suggestions; the scriptures are strongly worded:“ Don’ t do” and“ No one should.” It’ s clear that manipulation does not reflect our new birth in Christ and is unacceptable for us as believers— and as husband and wife.
So what do we do when we recognize manipulation in conflict situations?
• Recognize what’ s happening and decide it won’ t determine the outcome of the situation.
• Acknowledge your spouse is upset or angry or distant. It’ s not helpful to dismiss their feelings. Their approach may be ineffective, but feelings aren’ t right or wrong; they just are.
• Explain the impact on you individually, and as a couple. Help your loved one recognize how it compromises agreement between you.
• Avoid“ you always” and“ you never” accusations. Stay in the present.
• Identify the importance of an outcome you can both support.
• Ask to continue the discussion. Offer a break if needed, but set a time to come back together. be to recognize it. Successful strategies are tough to abandon.
Most important, pray. Ask God how and when to have this conversation. It may be best to discuss when all is well and you are not embroiled in a battle.
Remember Amos 3:3( NLT):“ Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” Pray that God will make a way for you and the one with whom you are one, shares the commitment to unity.
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Deb DeArmond is a highlyexperienced and soughtafter executive coach and an expert in the fields of leadership, communication, and relationship and conflict resolution. Deb is the cofounder of MyPurposeNow. org, a website for Christian women 50 +. She is the author of Related by Chance, Family by Choice and I Choose You Today. Her latest book is Don’ t Go to Bed Angry, Stay Up and Fight, written with her husband, Ron.
For more information, visit www. debdearmond. com or follow Deb on Facebook( AuthorDebDeArmond) or Twitter(@ DebDeArmond).
The first few times you take this approach, expect some surprise from your spouse. The longer their use of manipulation has worked, the more resistant they may
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