suggestions ; the scriptures are strongly worded : “ Don ’ t do ” and “ No one should .” It ’ s clear that manipulation does not reflect our new birth in Christ and is unacceptable for us as believers — and as husband and wife .
So what do we do when we recognize manipulation in conflict situations ?
• Recognize what ’ s happening and decide it won ’ t determine the outcome of the situation .
• Acknowledge your spouse is upset or angry or distant . It ’ s not helpful to dismiss their feelings . Their approach may be ineffective , but feelings aren ’ t right or wrong ; they just are .
• Explain the impact on you individually , and as a couple . Help your loved one recognize how it compromises agreement between you .
• Avoid “ you always ” and “ you never ” accusations . Stay in the present .
• Identify the importance of an outcome you can both support .
• Ask to continue the discussion . Offer a break if needed , but set a time to come back together . be to recognize it . Successful strategies are tough to abandon .
Most important , pray . Ask God how and when to have this conversation . It may be best to discuss when all is well and you are not embroiled in a battle .
Remember Amos 3:3 ( NLT ): “ Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction ?” Pray that God will make a way for you and the one with whom you are one , shares the commitment to unity .
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Deb DeArmond is a highlyexperienced and soughtafter executive coach and an expert in the fields of leadership , communication , and relationship and conflict resolution . Deb is the cofounder of MyPurposeNow . org , a website for Christian women 50 +. She is the author of Related by Chance , Family by Choice and I Choose You Today . Her latest book is Don ’ t Go to Bed Angry , Stay Up and Fight , written with her husband , Ron .
For more information , visit www . debdearmond . com or follow Deb on Facebook ( AuthorDebDeArmond ) or Twitter (@ DebDeArmond ).
The first few times you take this approach , expect some surprise from your spouse . The longer their use of manipulation has worked , the more resistant they may
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