or Pinterest-worthy, and she was writing books while I was changing diapers. I let this sinful thought pattern simmer until it boiled over in heated tears. Falling into my oversized yellow chair, I leaned my head back and looked up, hoping somehow that the Lord would write a promise in the air above my head that my time was coming.
Instead, my seven-year-old climbed out of his bed and made his way into my lap. He’ d been running a fever all day and simply needed his mom to hold him, to tell him it was going to be okay. And maybe that was the answer to my own feverish heartache over wishing for more, for different, for cleaner, better, brighter. Maybe the cuddles of a sick little boy were what it took for the Lord to gently lead me away from what I felt was lacking, and toward the full-bodied reality of where He’ d placed me. My life was mine not by accident, but by God’ s design. His story for me was unique, and it fit only me.
Once I had him nestled into bed again, I made my way back to the comfort of that chair and pulled out my Bible. I was desperate for refreshment after a long day of disappointment.
Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?( Rom. 2:4)
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I read this verse and was immediately seized with conviction as I thought of the teenage girl on the other side of the world who seemed so ungrateful for the gift I’ d sent. As my mind drifted back to the pictures of other families in other homes, other countertops overflowing with other meals, and then to my response at another woman’ s celebration over a book contract, I knew immediately that I was similarly ungrateful. The Lord has given me great gifts, but I was focused on what He hadn’ t tucked into the pocket of my jeans. Instead of looking gratefully upon all that He offered, I questioned why it couldn’ t be just a little bit more.
I wanted $ 50 without even an acknowledgment of the $ 40 I held in my hands.
A mountain of God is the mountain of Bashan; A mountain of many peaks is the mountain of Bashan. Why do you look with envy, O mountains with many peaks, At the mountain which God has desired for His abode? Surely the Lord will dwell there forever.( Ps. 68:15 – 16)
Do you see the beauty in the God-design of your life, in both the rugged and majestic places of your days? Or are you looking at the hills across the valley, wondering why God’ s hand of blessing is seemingly better on those green hills? This psalm of David provides a poetic balm to conflicted souls that long for more or different— in our homes and our dreams.
We have each been given the children, marriages, financial resources, unique abilities, and life circumstances that God chose intentionally. For some, this may look like $ 40, and for others it may resemble $ 50. The size and scope of His gift is different for each one of us, and it’ s all as it should be.
When we spend the days comparing our lot in life, literally comparing our small city home with a zero lotline to her lush acres out in the country, we miss out on the real-life delights in the gifts we’ ve been given. However, when we embrace the gift of home as it really is, we fill up and spill over into the lives of our family and friends, and even out into the world.
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