friends who have had the very same
experience. Different communities,
different people, different churches,
same outcome.
Solo parents in the faith community
identify with the story of Hagar, Abram
and Sarai’s slave girl who conceived
from Abram (at Sarai’s suggestion)
and then was cast off because she
didn’t fit. Hagar’s solo parent life was
seen as a significant complication
to the community. “Sarai mistreated
Hagar; so she fled from her” into the
wilderness (Genesis 16:6). To be bluntly
honest, our modern-day churches
have viewed the complications of solo
parents’ lives as a distraction from
their usual ministry to families. They
do not see these fractured and hurting
parents and children as the “widows
and orphans” that James talked about
in his writings (1:27). But these are the
very people Christ called the church to
embrace.
“
Until you have been
on the other side of
this silent prejudice,
it’s just hard to see the
chasm that exists.”
I do not believe the faith community is
intentionally alienating this significant
segment of our population. Until you
have been on the other side of this
silent prejudice, it’s just hard to see
the chasm that exists. I also believe
the church knows this group exists but
just doesn’t know how to reach them.
We have now defined the problem, so
here are two simple solutions:
First, don’t just look at solo parents
in your church but “look after them,”
actually see them. These are people
that walk a lonely and overwhelmed
life every single day. Trying their best
to be both parents, they feel like less
than one. They are afraid, ashamed,
and alienated, and everything that
was once normal in their lives seems
foreign. Relationships with family and
friends that were at one time a shared
support system often become strained
and awkward. They go to sleep believing
they are not enough, having lost hope
just like Hagar, and they are desperate
to no longer be invisible. “She gave
this name to the LORD who spoke to
her: ‘You are the God who sees me,’ for
she said, ‘I have now seen the One who
sees me’” (Genesis 16:13).
In his message “Forgiven Sin, Lingering
Consequences,” Chuck Swindoll spoke
to solo parents: “I apologize I have
not said enough words to you over
the years. You matter. You belong. We
need what you bring to the body, to the
family. We can learn from you.” That is
exactly the restorative and redemptive
connection that needs to take place
between all Christian leaders and this
community.
Second, the church should provide a
safe place. When we started the Solo
Parent Society at our church last year,
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