Jottings blue . A fishmonger in Swansea came to the rescue after finding out that the colouring , caused by a protein excess , is very rare ; only one lobster in two million is blue . The crustacean has been named Chelsea because his colour matches the football team ’ s shirts .
Donation denied
In August , the Shropshire Community Health NHS Trust turned down a donation of £ 2,500 (€ 2,825 ) from the Ludlow Hospital League of Friends . The volunteers had raised the cash in the same way as they have done every summer for around 30 years : men dressed as nurses pushed a bed around the town , collecting cash along the way , to fund a new ECG machine for the A & E department .
However , this year , the Trust told them that their behaviour was “ insulting .” A letter from chair Mike Ridley read , “ The presentation of men dressed as female nurses in a highly-sexualised and demeaning way is wrong , very outdated and insulting to the profession .” The group then received messages of support , including a number from nurses who said it was the refusal of the donation which was insulting . Undeterred , the League of Friends last month decided to give the cash to help train community first response volunteers .
Ooops ! moment
It was all going so well . Asda opened its first store on the Isle of Wight at the end of August and produced a special shopping bag , designed by local children , to mark the occasion . When the doors opened for the first time in Newport , 10,000 of the bags were available to shoppers who quickly spotted a problem ; the map depicted on the bag was labelled , “ Isle of White .” Asda managers said they were , “ hanging our heads ” for the “ silly mistake .”
World News
In Wenzhou City , China , an 11-year-old boy underwent surgery during August to remove 26 magnetic Buckyballs ( magnetic toys resembling ball bearings ) from his penis . They caused a blockage resulting bleeding and swelling . He told a pediatrician that did it because he was “ curious .” In news reports , the boy ’ s name was given as Pi-Pi .
On August 19 , Steven Gomez-Maya , aged 20 , handed cashiers at a bank in Seymour , Connecticut , a note demanding money , but apparently failed to notice that his note was written on the back of his girlfriend ’ s pay receipt . He was charged with first degree robbery .
The state administration for industry and commerce in China has had to put its foot down about long , ridiculous names for companies . New guidelines prohibit long-winded names , such as “ There Is a Group of Young People With Dreams , Who Believe They Can Make the Wonders of Life Under the Leadership of Uncle Niu Internet Technology Co . Ltd .” The company which makes condoms will henceforth be known as just “ Uncle Niu .” Another business , “ Beijing Under My Wife ' s Thumb Technology Co . Ltd .” is pondering on what to rename itself .
Spare a thought for ...
... the pirates of Penzance who , in August , failed in their attempt to regain from Hastings the Guinness World Record entry for the number of pirates in one place . They needed to have more than 14,231 pirates , each with at least two accessories such as a sword or eye patch , but they fell a few short ... because one group accidentally stayed in the pub and missed the count .
... Corienne Pretorius of south-east London who couldn ’ t remember ordering a £ 10 set of gift boxes (“ elegant and stylish in gold for different occasions ”) which arrived from Amazon . The mystery was solved when she heard Buddy , her five-year old African grey parrot , impersonating her voice . Buddy had managed to fool Amazon ’ s Alexa voice-controlled system that he was Corienne and made the on-line purchase .
... passengers through Singapore airport who fell foul of a prank played by 63- year-old Tay Boon Keh . The baggage handler has pleaded guilty to 286 counts of causing mischief by allegedly swapping tags on suitcases over a period of almost four months . Passengers travelling to London , San Francisco , Frankfurt , Perth and Manila were amongst those who arrived where their luggage wasn ’ t .
... Jesse Newton of Little Rock , Arkansas , who has a robot vacuum cleaner which is set to clean the house automatically at 1.30am ... which it did the night that their puppy Evie had a toilet malfunction . In his Facebook account of what happened next , Jesse described a “ pooptastrophe ” in which the robot ran over the minor disaster and turned it into a major event , tracking it everywhere . It covered floorboards , furniture legs , carpets , children ’ s toys , children ’ s feet ... anything which touched the floor . The painstaking cleanup involved , among other things , a bathtub , bleach , a toothbrush , and multiple rolls of paper towels .
Quotes
Are you a sillytonian , a percher or an ambodexter ? Language experts at the University of York have compiled a list of words lost from the English language which fit within themes which are highly relevant to modern life . They scoured historic texts and etymological dictionaries to find genuine terms which have fallen out of favour and , perhaps , should be revived . Here we quote some of the best .
Ambodexter : One who takes bribes from both sides
Hugger-mugger : Concealment , secrecy
Quacksalver : A person who dishonestly claims knowledge of , or skill in medicine ; a pedlar of false cures
Parget : To daub or plaster ( the face or body ) with powder or paint
Slug-a-bed : One who lies long in bed through laziness
Losenger : A false flatterer , a lying rascal , a deceiver
Peacockize : To behave like a peacock , to pose or strut ostentatiously
Percher : A person who aspires to a higher rank or status ; an ambitious or self-assertive person
Sillytonian : A silly or gullible person , one considered as belonging to a notional sect of such people
Wlonk : Proud , haughty , rich , splendid , fine , magnificent
Awhape : To amaze , stupefy with fear , confound utterly
Merry-go-sorry : A mixture of joy and sorrow
Swerk : To be or become dark , gloomy , troubled , or sad
And our favourite ...
Betrump : To deceive , cheat , elude , slip from
Grateful acknowledgement to the following papers from which some of this material is extracted : Daily Mail , Daily Mirror , Daily Express , Independent on Sunday , Mail on Sunday , The Sun , The Sunday Times , The Times and The Telegraph . Seen something funny , bizarre or just plain weird ? Contributions for Jottings are welcome by email to : sarah @ soltalk . com .
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