Manchester and the Isle of Man to be re-
baptised? Will we starting singing
Peoples in church? Is the traditional
ploughman’s lunch with mango chutney
about to be renamed the unisex farm
employee’s lunch with person-go
chutney? Watch out! The snowflakes are
drifting ...
Meanwhile, the BBC is encouraging staff
to become “straight allies” of colleagues
who are gay, lesbian or who have other
gender identities. The move is an
attempt to tackle what the Corporation
calls a “heteronormative culture” in
which being heterosexual is considered
the norm. To shift the balance, Auntie
Beeb says staff who are straight but
“actively promote” LGBT issues will
wear pin badges or use email signatures
to signify that they are “allies” of lesbian,
gay, bisexual and transgender colleagues.
In fact, the Corporation has decided to
adopted the acronym LGBTQ+ (lesbian,
gay, bisexual, transgender and
questioning) and wants staff to refer to
others as “they” instead of “he” or “she.”
We wonder what Walter Gabriel would
have made of it all as he stood at the bar
of The Bull discussing silage and slurry...
Council Capers
Mike Lacey is 72 and lives at the side of
the A1 road at Beeston in Bedfordshire
where the speed limit is 50 mph (80
kph). With his hand-held speed gun, he
says nine out of ten motorists exceed
this, and that he often clocks vehicles
travelling at up to 90 mph (144 kph),
particularly at the end of the working
day between 5.00pm and 7.00pm.
He asked Bedfordshire County Council
to install speed controls through the
hamlet but when none was forthcoming
he took action. Now, on the side of his
house, is a triangular structure made
from wood and pipes with what appears
to be four speed cameras mounted to
monitor traffic in both directions.
The Council has told him to take the
thing down because he has no planning
permission while Highways England
believe it is a distraction and could cause
an accident. Mr Lacey says he won’t
budge until the A1 is made safer and
until then, he says, the authorities can
forget it. “They are going to have to
prosecute me,” he added.
While several other villagers have
offered to install more dummy cameras,
it appears the protest has worked.
Highways England claim to be
“designing a replacement system for
tackling speeding” on this section of the
A1. So, how long does it take to “design”
the placement of a speed camera, then?
Brian and Sally Williams of Sheffield
moved into their new house in Sheffield
in 1991. It’s one of nine homes on a quiet
lane in Loxley which is used only by
utility vehicles and their neighbours.
Being keen gardeners, the couple
decided to plant flowers outside their
property, and then, some years later,
started on a neglected plot on the other
side of the lane in order to help attract
bees, butterflies and other wildlife. Now,
there is a spectacular display enjoyed by
everyone.
At least, there used to be a display,
assuming Brian and Sally have obeyed
the order from Sheffield City Council to
remove all the plants. The letter, dated
October 13, told them to take the action
within a week, following a complaint
that the display on the verge across the
road was a hazard to traffic. That’s one
complaint (as in “less than two”) – and
that was from a neighbour who didn’t
even sign the letter in order to remain
anonymous.
The council’s instruction has prompted
a 3,000-strong petition (that’s 3,000 as
in “2,999 more than one”) from villagers
who have demanded that the flower-bed
is allowed to remain on the roadside.
After all, in 2014 when the Council
resurfaced the lane before the Tour de
France arrived in Yorkshire, no Council
official noticed any problem. However,
hope may be blossoming as Councillor
Jack Scott, Cabinet Member for
Development and Transport at Sheffield
Council, was quoted as saying that the
Williams’ displays looked “absolutely
great.” He added that he’d told the
relevant department to “think again” and
find a “common way forward.” Good for
you, sir!
New double yellow lines have been
painted on newly-resurfaced roads in
The Mounts area of Northampton and
residents are unhappy. It’s not because
of what the council workers did, but
what they didn’t do. Instead of picking
up rubbish in the gutters of the roads,
the workmen simply painted the yellow
lines over the top. A variety of discarded
debris including cigarette packets,
flattened drinks cans and even soiled wet
wipes now lie glued to the road, partially
covered by yellow paint. What would it
have taken, say the stunned residents,
for Head of Yellow Lines Painting to call
Head of Gutter Clearing and ask them
clean the streets about to be double-
yellowed?
It’s Traffic Warden Time when we
ruthlessly expose the latest follies of the
Yellow Peril. And after the recent furore
about parking tickets being slapped onto
ambulances on emergency calls, we now
30
hear of a similar case in Benfleet, Essex.
This time, though, the victim is a doctor
whose car was ticketed while he was
attending a patient, despite leaving a
“Doctor on Call” card in the front
window. A passer-by saw the ticket,
issued by South Essex Parking
Partnership, and snapped a pic which he
circulated on social media with the
comment, “Once again, our local
enforcement officers do not fail to
disappoint!”
Essex Council says traffic wardens can
only accept permits not “handwritten
notes,” although in this case the “Doctor
on Call” was a printed card. They said
the doctor should appeal the ticket, while
several critics said that wardens should
be “sensitive to NHS-related cases.”
And finally ...
A brewery in York has been fined
£44,600 (€50,750) after a man sustained
severe injuries after falling through an
open trap door. Serious stuff, certainly,
but it did raise a smile when we saw the
name of the pub where the accident
happened: The Last Drop Inn.
Quotes
“Earth is stationary and does not move.”
(Saudi cleric Sheikh Bandar al-Khaibari
sets out his idiosyncratic views about the
solar system.)
“By the time I was stoned, I felt utterly
bereft.” (Newsreader Jon Snow tried
drugs for a Channel 4 programme.)
“The 80s were the beginning of the end
for trad Sloanes.” (Peter York, author of
the Sloane Ranger Handbook)
“For the people who are asset-rich, a
couple of hundred quid a month isn’t
going to make any difference. They
would spend that on lunch.” (Lord
Kinnock on the mansion tax.)
Grateful acknowledgement to the following
papers from which some of this material is
extracted: Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily
Express, Independent on Sunday, Mail on Sunday,
The Sun, The Sunday Times, The Times and The
Telegraph. Seen something funny, bizarre or just
plain weird? Contributions for Jottings are welcome
by email to: [email protected].