Union has decided to ban clapping and
cheering at union events because it is
discriminatory and non-inclusive.
Instead, students will have to use “jazz
hands” which, we’re reliably informed,
involves waving both hands in the air.
Union officer Sara Khan says “jazz
hands” would encourage “an
environment of respect” ... which is
perhaps what’s missing at Brighton
University which has taken an unusual
stance on prostitution. To this end, it
allowed something called the Sex
Workers’ Outreach Project to have a stall
at the Freshers’ Fair last month. So
instead of joining the Rugby Club or
Hiking Group, are new undergraduates
being offered advice on how to top up
their student loans?
Meanwhile, the students’ union at the
University of Kent has more important
things on its mind. An edict has been
issued banning “offensive” costumes from
fancy dress parties. Outfits depicting
cowboys and Indians, priests and nuns,
‘chavs’ and terrorists are not deemed
acceptable, along with ancient Greeks and
Romans, sexually disgraced celebrities
and outfits with historical or religious
themes. However, the new guidelines also
specify acceptable garb which includes
doctors and nurses, cave dwellers and
aliens. These get the stamp of approval
from the union which claims to represent
20,000 students, cave dwellers and aliens
on the Canterbury campus.
And before we leave the subject of
students, their union at Queen Mary
University of London has forced the
removal of a statue which was deemed to
be “racist,” “offensive” and disgusting.”
The life-size wooden sculpture of a
Native American in a bar frequented by
medical students has been used as a
mascot for their sports teams for years.
So, the statue was removed after a string
of complaints from students, then? Well,
actually no. No complaints (as in “fewer
than one”) were received... but the union
decided it was racist anyway and
demanded its removal.
PC Brigade
Outside the heady world of academia
(students do still study sometimes, don’t
they?) Kleenex has bowed to the
snowflakes and vowed to rename its
“Mansize” tissues. In future, they will be
branded “Extra Large” but only in the
UK, not in the USA. (And that speaks
volumes ...) However, Marks and
Spencer (bless ‘em) say they have no
plans to rename their own brand
Mansize tissues. As critics ridiculed the
trend for scrapping long-standing brand
names on the basis of a few complaints,
29
M&S declared, “We’re not currently
planning on making any changes.”
News of the Kleenex rebranding came
shortly after supermarket giant Waitrose
undertook to rename a sandwich,
designed by no less an authority than
Heston Blumenthal. The £3.80 (€4.35)
snack is described by Waitrose as, “A
parmesan ciabatta roll filled with pulled,
smoked chicken breast, beechwood
smoked bacon and Parmigiano Reggiano
all topped with anchovy mayonnaise and
Cos lettuce for crunch.” Sounds
scrummy. However, chef Blumenthal’s
mortal sin was to name his concoction
the Gentleman’s Smoked Chicken Caesar
Roll. Its gender reference was
immediately branded “sexist,”
“ridiculous” and “outrageous” by those
who failed to spot the anchovy
mayonnaise connection to Gentlemen’s
Relish, a type of paste which first
appeared in 1803 and is still made to a
secret recipe by Elsenham Quality Foods
in the UK.
So what’s the future for Gentlemen’s
Relish, not to mention Daddies Sauce,
Granny Smiths, Victoria Sponge, Apple
Charlotte, Mother’s Pride, Mum
deodorant and Pink Lady? Are
Continued overleaf