Are you needlessly recycling emotional
pain? How to let go and move on.
• What part of me wants to hold on to it?
• Why?
Get clear on these questions and your answers to them.
Sometimes, negative memories can serve as a lopsided catalyst
for defining who we think we are.
In my experience as a therapist, I’ve learned that a lot of
people struggle with negative thoughts and feelings that not
only hold them back but wear them down, make them ill,
angry, depressed and sad, and prevent them from living a life
of joy. The past is in the past – and you DO know this, even
though you might ignore the fact that what happened last
week, last year, or ten years before should be ousted from your
mind right now. You still cling on to it and keep the negative
loop playing over and over in your mind, calling up the hurt
and suffering, effectively recycling emotional pain day in, day
out. I call it ‘the Negative Four Rs of emotional pain: Re-
thinking, Re-living, Re-feeling, Re-cycling.
What is important to understand is this: what has happened to
you (no matter how ugly it might have been) does NOT define
who YOU are. You are still a perfect human being in spite of all
the bad things that have happened to you in your life. You are
not a victim. You are not undeserving. You are not a bad
person just because X, Y or Z happened to you. It is NOT your
fault. And if it really WAS your fault, forgive yourself. You are
human. We all are; we all make mistakes. And we all deserve
forgiveness.
Why do you do this to yourself?
Because your subconscious has no clock! The reason why
emotional pain still affects you even though years may have
passed is because your subconscious has NO concept of time.
The clock isn’t even broken – it was never working in the first
place. Whatever you are feeling at any given time is what your
subconscious is picking up on, from the day you are born until
the day you move on from this life. If those feelings are heavy,
painful, negative emotions, they will bring you down as surely
as a blow to the head with a blunt object would.
How to let go of your emotional pain…
Having asked yourself those all-important questions, you now
realize that you are carrying around unnecessary baggage from
the past that is needlessly hurting you.
So, tell yourself right now, today is the day you are going to let
go and move on! You are not going to wallow in self-pity, self-
loathing or self-derogation any more. You know that saying
‘Enough is enough’?