Jottings
Perhaps school authorities should follow the example set by the Lucy Cavendish College in Cambridge where postgraduate female university students are being protected from the stresses of studying . The authorities have provided the ladies with three guinea pigs to , “ help promote mental well-being .” The creatures have been wittily named Emmeline Squeakhurst ( after suffragette leader Emmeline Pankhurst ), Virguinea Woolf ( after the writer Virginia Woolf ), and Ruth Bader Guineasburg ( after Ruth Bader Ginsburg , the second woman to be appointed to the US Supreme Court ). And the fourth guinea pig ? It ’ s been named Oreo ( after the biscuit of the same name ).
Irate Brits
The New York Times has “ raised a ruckus ” ( as they say in The Colonies ) over a British institution . Extensive analysis by Twitter users has concluded that the newspaper ’ s recipe for something called “ Dutch Baby ” ( a “ large , fluffy pancake ( which ) is excellent for breakfast , brunch , lunch and dessert any time of year ”) is in fact Yorkshire Pudding .
US supporters claim that Dutch Baby has been around for a long time and is not the same thing , despite the fact it ’ s made from the same ingredients and looks the same . Yorkshire Puds can trace a heritage back further than the early 18th century , which means that the scrummy dish was around before the USA was invented ... sorry , constituted . Let ’ s not forget that the United States is the country which “ invented ” the Puff Dog ( a sausage encased in flaky pastry ) and the Patso Burger ( a sandwich stuffed with “ fries ”). Sausage rolls and chip butties are delicacies which have clearly passed America by until recently .
It ’ s possible the term “ pudding ” is gastronomically challenging ( although Yorkie Puds are great with ice cream ). Other British delights designed to confuse some Yanks are “ beans on toast ” and “ cheeky Nandos .” ( Translations on request .)
Yorkshire Puddings are said to have developed in the north of England to make use of the fat which dripped off a joint of meat while it was roasted . A recipe for “ dripping pudding ” appeared in a 1737 cookbook with the name “ Yorkshire ” being adopted some years later . Aunt Bessie must be turning in her grave ...
Meanwhile , those of us from north of the border are irate that the luxury golf club Trump Turnberry in Ayrshire has banned Irn-Bru from the premises . It ’ s
Scotland ’ s second national drink and has a popularity rating which far exceeds that of The Donald . The hotel at the golf course recently underwent a $ 271 million upgrade and a loyal Trumpite was afraid that bright orange Irn-Bru , if spilled on the carpets by clumsy Scots , would ruin them . This would create what The Scotsman described in an editorial as , “ An unfortunate stain on Trump ’ s reputation .”
As soon as the news spread during May , someone planted a Mexican flag right next to one of the fairways while Twitter users went into overdrive : “ Extremely synthetic , no nutrients whatsoever and orange . Trump angers Scots with ban on Irn-Bru at luxury golf resort .”
Boys in Blue
It ’ s great to find people who are happy in their work so it was a delight to see a video in late April which showed several fully-uniformed Metropolitan Police officers having a jolly time in a children ’ s play area . Up and down on the slide , back and forwards on the swings , even a turn on the monkey bars – they were having a grand old time ! A neighbour who took the video of the activity from her flat in north London which overlooks the park said that five or six officers enjoyed ten or 15 minutes larking around on the equipment meant for toddlers . She said she found their antics funny at first , but made her video public after discovering there had been stabbing nearby not too long afterwards .
Pie Problems
A 75-year-old pensioner has been find £ 50 (€ 57 ) after crumbs from his pork pie fell into the street . After he flicked a crumb from his coat , he was pounced upon by enforcement officers who had filmed the incident which happened close to an area where hundreds of pigeons were being fed by members of the public .
And talking of pies , a couple in Middlesborough are claiming victory over Morrison ’ s supermarket who have scrapped a seemingly pie-eyed rule . Linda and Tony Gilkes were somewhat pied-off when they weren ’ t able to buy sausage rolls and steak bakes because it was the wrong time of day . The pies were behind the counter ready to be served , but it was only 8.45am and Morrisson ’ s staff told her that they couldn ’ t sell them until 9.00am . After checking it wasn ’ t April Fool ’ s Day , the couple left the store and bought breakfast elsewhere . Morrison ’ s have since apologised to the couple and say the pies will henceforth be available for hungry Teessiders from 7.00am . Piegate avoided , but only just .
Spare a thought for ...
... the Stoke on Trent resident who returned home early in April to find a naked man in his bathtub drinking a mug of Oxo . When police arrived , the 36-year-old bather tried to flee but was caught and arrested . The homeowner complained , “ He ate my crisps , had five rounds of corned beef and sauce , ate a jar of pickles , had two ice creams and a can of Coke .”
... Kiana Wallace of Ohio who has been sentenced to 18 months in prison following her guilty plea for tampering with evidence . On probation after a drug possession sentence in 2017 , Wallace tried to hide her guilt when arrested again by providing a urine sample which she had “ borrowed ” from someone else . The borrowed sample tested positive .
Quotes
Contributors to mumsnet . com have been getting themselves in a right old tizzy over household appliances which fight back . The examples below are heavily censored ; we wouldn ’ t like our servants to overhear the language some mums apparently thrive on ...
“ My Hoover keeps tripping over its own lead and pulling its plug out .”
“ Coat hangers think it ’ s fun to get themselves all into a cosy tangle inside the wardrobe and then won ’ t be separated from their chums .”
“ The microwave doesn ’ t just beep once to tell you it ’ s finished warming the beans up or whatever . Oh no . It beeps on and on until you pay it attention , even if you ’ re halfway through taking a cake out of the oven or , you know , doing something important . Selfimportant , puffed-up *****.”
“ My toaster is an explosion of crumbs .”
“ The dishwasher can ’ t clean anything that ’ s actually dirty , but it can take the Batman transfer off a glass , oh yes .”
“ Does the cat count as an appliance ? It anti-cleans my house and I ’ m forever tripping over it .”
Grateful acknowledgement to the following papers from which some of this material is extracted : Daily Mail , Daily Mirror , Daily Express , Independent on Sunday , Mail on Sunday , The Sun , The Sunday Times , The Times and The Telegraph . Seen something funny , bizarre or just plain weird ? Contributions for Jottings are welcome by email to : sarah @ soltalk . com .
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