Jottings
from previous page
the Park needs is more visitors. “It’s
always rammed when I’ve been,” wrote
one.
Nosh news
It’s good news and bad news for the
British baker Greggs this month, The
good news is that their Vegan Steak Bake
(made from 96 layers of puff pastry,
Quorn pieces, diced onions and gravy)
was launched during January.
This “hotly-anticipated” new delicacy
led to queues of up to 200 customers at
branches in the firm’s home town of
Newcastle, according to the Daily Mail.
(So it must be true.) One of the first to
try the speciality claimed it “looks like
cat food” but “tastes great.” (So that’s OK
then.)
However, the bad news for the bakery
chain comes from Cornwall, home of
the pasty, where the county’s only
branch of Greggs has closed – an event
of such national importance to the UK
that it has been given the name
Greggxit. (Oh dear ...)
Locals in Saltash on the River Tamar
were not impressed when Greggs
opened in their county in September
2018, branding it “junk” and “Satan’s
franchise.” They opted to avoid
shopping there and remained loyal
instead to the traditional Cornish pasty
made from beef skirt, swede, potato and
onion.
Greggs said it had closed the branch
after a “thorough review.” The
announcement has reportedly been
celebrated by residents who claimed the
decision marked a vindication for the
traditional pasty.
And while we’re on the subject of food,
UK rail operator LNER has been
celebrating the expansion of its services
in and out of Lincoln. So how better to
mark the occasion by adding traditional
Lincolnshire sausages to the on-board
menus? By serving sausages made in
Yorkshire, of course.
LNER has come under a grilling itself as
a result. Lincolnshire butchers have
reacted with anger to the news, pointing
out that many award-winning sausages
have been produced locally. Railway
bosses reacted by assuring critics that an
authentic traditional recipe is used to
produce the sausages by its contractor in
Ripon.
But there is little to be done about the
“fake” Lincs links. In 2012, the UK’s
Department for Environment, Food and
Rural Affairs (Defra) rejected an
application for the Lincolnshire sausage
to be granted protected status which
would have meant only those made in
the county using the correct recipe
could use the name. Defra found there
were “many variations” across the UK
and no enduring link between the
product and Lincolnshire.
However, best foodie news of the
month, comes from Cadbury who have
re-launched the Bournville Old Jamaica
chocolate bar. It disappeared in the late
80s, with only a couple of guest
appearances since, but Cadbury
promised to bring it back to the sweet
shops after launching a poll on Facebook
(where else?) asking chocaholics which
vintage bar should be re-introduced.
The dark chocolate rum and raisin
flavoured treat is actually alcohol-free
and is described by Cadbury as a
“perfect choice for the more mature
palettes and a real treat to enjoy,
whether it be for the ultimate night in
with friends, or even at a dinner party.”
Your Jottings team describe it as simply
scrummy.
Scuppered by Snowflakes
Snowflakes in Barbados? Not one for
the Guinness World Records, but a
complaint about P&O cruises from
angry British holiday-makers. It seems
the liner company has changed its
Sailaway Parties, traditionally a
rousing sing-along as vessels cast off
from their moorings and head for the
open sea.
Songs previously included Rule
Britannia and Jerusalem in the style of
the Last Night of The Proms, but these
have been ditched in favour of upstart
newcomers such as the Rod Stewart hit
Sailing. The bunting and the Union Flags
have also gone, although the company
claims this is to reduce the use of single-
use plastics.
News of the policy changes came on
Facebook (where else?) when a holiday-
maker wrote, “Just waiting to disembark
in Barbados. No patriotic songs or Union
Jacks. A member of staff said P&O are
trying to appeal to the international
market.”
A statement from P&O said the Sailaway
Parties now include “contemporary
music with widespread appeal.” P&O
Cruises’ passengers have described the
company as “snowflakes.”
Innovations & Inventions
How long do you spend sitting on the
loo? Sorry to be intrusive when it comes
to your private life but the question is of
26
considerable interest to employers.
After complaints that many workers take
too many extended toilet breaks, one
entrepreneur has tackled the problem
and designed a toilet which is
uncomfortable to sit on for more than a
few minutes. You may poo-poo the idea,
Continued overleaf
Quotes
“People would never believe the stories”
- Divorce lawyer Fiona Shackleton,
whose clients have included Prince
Charles and Sir Paul McCartney, on why
she won’t be writing her memoirs
“Self-censoring is becoming a reflex
action. Humour is being driven
underground. We are entering an era of
joke prohibition.” – Former BBC
“Today” presenter John Humphreys.
“I made a deal, I saved a country, and I
just heard that the head of that country
is now getting the Nobel Peace Prize for
saving the country.” – Donald Trump
claiming he should have be awarded the
prize for bringing war between Ethiopia
and Eritrea to an end. Ethiopia’s prime
minister Abiy Ahmed was awarded the
accolade in October 2019.
“Uhh ... hm... mmm ... I ... I ... I just ... I’m
not really sure. I just support him.” –
Trump supporter at a rally in Toledo,
Ohio last month who was asked to
name something the President had
done really well.
“What the hell are they playing at?” –
Prince Philip on learning of the Duke
and Duchess of Sussex’s plans to “step
back” as senior British royals.
“Incredibly irritating ... awful, woke,
weak, manipulative, spoilt ... a
controller” – Eamonn Holmes
description last month of Meghan,
Duchess of Sussex.
“What a piece of work” - Piers Morgan
description last month of Meghan,
Duchess of Sussex.
“And the Best Actress Oscar goes to
Meghan Markle” – Richard Littlejohn
writing in the Daily Mail.
Grateful acknowledgement to the following
papers from which some of this material is
extracted: Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily
Express, Independent on Sunday, Mail on Sunday,
The Sun, The Sunday Times, The Times and The
Telegraph. Seen something funny, bizarre or just
plain weird? Contributions for Jottings are welcome
by email to: [email protected].