Feature
How I went from drinking every day
and being too terrified to leave my house to
having a life beyond my wildest dreams
Jane is a 53-year-old full-time mother of children aged 16 and
11, who has an “unbelievable” life living close to Marbella. But
it wasn’t always that way – far from it… Here she tells her
amazing story.
Then aged 35, I realised I really needed help – I simply
couldn’t control my behaviour after the first drink. But even
though I knew this I couldn’t stop myself from taking that first
drink. I suppose I’d convince myself that each time it would be
different. It was always the same though.
“There was always drinking in my family, my dad was a
mentally abusive alcoholic. There was constant rage and
criticism towards both me and my sister. It was horrific.
So I’d wake up ashamed at what I’d done or said while drinking
– and full of such huge remorse that yet again I’d been
powerless over my drinking.
Then I discovered at the age of 11 that booze blotted out my
fears and the loathing I developed due to the continual
criticism. So I thought it was fun to sneak into pubs and drink
a bit…
My rock bottom was when I was living in Holland. All I did was
stay in the house. I lived there for a year and was too terrified
to go further than the corner shop – and that was only to buy
drink. I had no life.
A year later I started to use cannabis too. As well, I always tried
to change the way I felt with relationships, which were almost
always extremely abusive ones. Looking back, the only
relationship I’d known was like this, because I learned about
relationships from what I saw behind the closed doors of my
family home.
I was in an extremely horrible relationship then. The man I
was with had other women. So I just drank and took drugs
alone. I could see no hope and no way out.
Then a friend of mine mentioned Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).
I had what I now know is called the “gift of desperation” and so
I went to my first meeting. Although I didn’t get it
immediately to stay sober, many things that were shared there
at the meetings by other people who’d once drank like me but
who now had their lives back on track – and, in fact, even
better lives than they’d ever known – sunk in.
My drinking had already become a problem by the end of my
teenage years. I think everyone must have known. But I just
couldn’t stop and stay stopped. Another decade later and it was
extremely noticeable. Even so, I carried on drinking too much
too often for another five years.
I kept hearing people at the meetings say they had a “life
beyond their wildest dreams”. I wanted what they had, I so
wanted that.
Very quickly I found that the more I went to the AA meetings
and the more people there that I got to know, the more I loved
AA. I loved how the people at the meetings made me feel like I
was the most important person in the room. The meetings
were so much better than I expected.
Now I’ve been clean and sober since January 2002. To stay
sober I still go to meetings, and a large part of this is that I can
now be one of the people who helps some of the people who
come to their first meetings, in the same desperate state that I
was in. Doing this helps me stay sober because it feels fantastic
to help. As I did when I first went, people can really relate to
someone who’s actually been where they are.
I came from an extremely abusive and unhappy childhood,
but thanks to AA my life is unbelievably happy now, one that’s
filled with love and laughter. I have two beautiful confident
loving daughters, who thank God have never seen me drink. I
am also so lucky that I have a considerate loving husband and
we hear each other.
My advice to someone struggling with alcohol is please just
speak to another alcoholic who’s in AA. Call the helpline
number and try some meetings, and see what happens.”
AA is located along the entire Costa del Sol and there is a
meeting with friendly people who will understand your
problems somewhere near you every day.
Call the AA helpline for support: 600 379 110.
Visit the website for help & information:
www.aacostadelsol.com
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