Jottings
from previous page
creatively recycled rubbish. However, it
has been reported that Hollywood has
got hold of Madame Cholet, Uncle
Bulgaria and the others, and producers
are planning a major makeover because
... wait for it ... the original is “sexist and
not politically correct.”
Reports have suggested that “gender-
fluid” Wombles from different cultural
backgrounds are to be introduced, while
sex and politics will not be ruled out in
the storylines. Before publishing her
first book in 1968, Elizabeth Beresford
made it clear that these subjects, along
with religion, alcohol, drugs, violence
and smoking, had no place in the world
of The Wombles.
Her son Marcus says the wishes of his
late mother have been ignored by Craig
Treharne, a businessman who bought 85
per cent of the rights to The Wombles
from composer Mike Batt in 2017.
Elizabeth Beresford’s family retain the
remaining 15 per cent.
Mike Batt is equally distraught at the
plans for “Woke Wombles” and said it
was “terrible tragedy” to be shut out of a
brand which was intertwined with his
identity. He wrote the music which took
The Wombles to the top of the UK
charts with eight Top 20 hits in the mid
70s.
Piers Morgan commented that a
makeover of The Wombles in this way
is, “completely and utterly insane (and)
makes a mockery of genuinely
important debate about diversity.”
However, we can all be buoyed by the
famous Wombles’ motto, “Make good
use of bad rubbish,” and simply reach
for the off switch.
Secondly, remember when Greggs the
Baker quietly closed its only outlet in
Cornwall after just seven months
because its pasties had failed to impress?
Its short-lived shop in Saltash was
boycotted by locals who branded it
“junk” and “Satan’s franchise.” They
opted to avoid shopping there and
remained loyal instead to the traditional
Cornish pasty made from beef skirt,
swede, potato and onion.
It is now reported that Greggs – which
has over 1,700 shops in the UK, but none
in Cornwall at present - is to open a new
store in the county, news which has
reignited the ire of Cornish men and
women worldwide. Well, in Cornwall at
least.
But the battle lines for World War Chew
(a headline from The Sun last month) are
being drawn because the new outlet is to
be at Cornwall Services near the village
of Victoria on the A30. However, a local
baker, who is one of the best-know
producers of Cornish pasties, already
has a shop in the service area. We
predict pastry cutters at dawn.
The Cornish Pasty Association refused
to get involved. “It doesn’t affect us,”
they said sniffily, “because, as far as we
are concerned, they don’t sell Cornish
pasties.”
Our bizarre world
An anonymous Tweet from a vegan
jogger in California has been widely
ridiculed on social media after
neighbours were asked to close their
windows when cooking meat in their
kitchens and to cook only vegetables on
outdoor barbeques. This was because, it
continued, the smell of meat being
cooked was found to be, “overpowering”
and “offensive” when out for a run. Put-
downs came thick and fast, including
from other vegans, while some
suggested changing the time of the run
or wearing a gas mask.
It appears the Oxford English Dictionary
has been quietly updating definitions
which are now regarded as sexist.
“Nagging,” “rabid” and “shrill” are
amongst 500 definitions reported to
have updated in the last year after
researchers spent four years analysing
thousands of examples to establish
whether they “unnecessarily perpetuated
sexist stereotypes.” The OED said it was
important for the tome to be in line with
political correctness, a philosophy which
itself is politically correct.
Two toilet paper stories which have
nothing to do with panic buying came
our way this month. First, was the
kangaroo caught eating the stuff in the
restroom of an Australian camp site.
And second was the birth of a baby in
the toilet roll aisle of a Walmart store in
Missouri. We thought you should know.
Spare a thought for …
… an unnamed woman was reported on
Twitter by a friend from Hampshire in
the UK after she managed to stockpile 18
toilet rolls. She was not criticised for
panic buying, but named and shamed
after her children decided to wash all 18
of the loo rolls in the bath.
... an American tourist who complained
about “that brown tablet bar of soap you
put on each of our beds” when he stayed
at a guest house in Portree on the Isle of
Skye. “Not only was it gritty and left an
oily residue but disintegrated before the
shower was done,” he wrote. The “soap”
was in fact a complimentary bar of
26
tablet, a Scottish sweet similar to fudge,
which is intended for eating, not
showering. (And it’s scrummy!)
... Caelie Wilkes of California who
carefully nurtured a succulent for two
years, even getting defensive if anyone
else offered to water her beloved and
“perfect” plant. Last month, she bravely
shared the story of the day when she
decided to re-pot it in a “cute” vase she
had found. It was only when she pulled
the thing from its original container she
discovered it was made of plastic, sitting
on a bed of styrofoam with sand glued to
the top.
... a new species of treehopper
discovered by Brendan Morris, a
graduate student at the University of
Illinois. Experts tell us that the insect,
which has pointed horns and a unique
body structure, is native to the Pacific
coast of Nicaragua. Unfortunately for the
treehopper, however, Mr Morris has
chosen to name it Kaikaka Gaga, as a
tribute to Lady Gaga. The singer has yet
to respond to the honour. Ditto the
treehopper.
... 14 elephants with a headache in the
Chinese village of Xishuangbana. With
the population on lockdown, the gang
had free reign to explore and found a
store holding 30 kilos of corn whisky.
They scoffed the lot and were later
found, sound asleep, in a local tea
garden.
They walk amongst us
London’s Met Police have released a
video of two suspects they want to
question in connection with a raid on a
jewellery shop in Haringey in 2019.
Three men walked in and began
ransacking the shop forcing a female
staff member to seek refuge in a back
room. The robbers then found they were
unable to leave because they couldn’t
figure out how to open the shop door
which remains locked until a switch is
pressed. One has since been jailed but
his two conspirators remain at large.
In the US, brothers Noah and Matt
Colvin drove 2,000 miles around the
state of Tennessee buying 17,700 bottles
of hand sanitiser, hoping to sell them at
a massive profit on Amazon for $70 a
bottle. But the online store moved fast to
clamp down on such exploitative
practices and shut down their account
after they had sold just 200 bottles ...
leaving them with 17,500 bottles they
now cannot shift.
And finally …
Thanks to Howard Jeeves who pointed
Continued overleaf