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12. SMILE
Be positive and smile. Make
sure your smile extends to
your eyes so that it looks
authentic. People are attracted
to positivity, not negativity.
13. AUTHENTICITY
Be authentic in your interactions
and not sarcastic. People want
to start conversations with
you because you’re being
real, and not facetious.
14. FROM THE HEART
When cold calling or
emailing someone, give
him or her authentic
compliments from the heart.
15. WHAT CAN I
DO FOR YOU?
GREAT CONVERSATION
your head to show that you’re
listening to the person. Then, he
or she will see that you’re paying
attention and be more inclined
to speak to you privately.
19. THE FACE
Watch your microexpressions
in any social setting, even if
you’re not talking to anyone.
For example, if your eyebrows
are raised and your lips are
stretched or drawn back, it
shows that you’re afraid and
not calm and collected. People
want to talk to you if you’re
composed and not scared.
20. TO FIST BUMP OR
NOT TO FIST BUMP?
During a cold interaction,
say specifically what you
can do for a person. Do not fist bump when first
meeting someone. Shake
his or her hand instead. This
creates oxytocin and an
immediate connection.
16. WARM IT UP! 21. SWEATY PALMS
To further your cold interaction
and make it warmer, include an
actionable question at the end of
your call or email. For example,
you could say, “Could we jump
on a call to discuss your goals
with time management?” Make sure your hand is dry
when you go to shake another
person’s hand. Nobody wants
to talk to someone with a
wet hand, because it shows
that he or she is nervous.
17. YOUR FEET Hold your hand out and move
it up and down with the other
person’s hand. If you hold
your hand over his or hers,
it demonstrates that you’re
condescending. If you put your
hand out palm up, and hold it
below the other person’s hand,
it shows that you’re lower than
In a group conversation, point
your feet towards the person you
want to hone in on and talk to.
It shows that you’re in tune with
what that person has to say.
18. THE HEAD TILT
In a group conversation, tilt
22. VERTICAL
him or her. You want to be
perceived as an equal instead. or she talks. It shows, “I want to
be with you and talk with you.”
23. BY THE BAR… 29. DISPLAY
CONFIDENCE
At any event, situate yourself
right where people are exiting
the bar with their drinks. This
is when they’re settling in
and ready for interactions.
24. … OR BY THE FOOD
Sit down where people are
eating too. As soon as they put
their plates down, shake their
hands and start talking to them.
25. THE SWEET SPOT
Stand or sit still when you’re
in your sweet spot at the bar
exit and the tables. Nobody
wants to interact with
someone who is fidgeting.
26. WATCH YOUR
NERVES
On that note, watch your self-
soothing behaviors. Don’t clasp
your hands together, tap your
foot or self groom while waiting
for people to approach you.
27. ALPHA BEHAVIOR
To demonstrate alpha behavior
in a group and attract people to
you, use expressive gestures.
For example, describe two
ideas coming together by
bringing your hands together.
28. THE POWER
OF THE LEAN
If you’re in a group setting and
trying to focus on connecting
with one person, lean in when he
Vanessa Van Edwards is lead investigator at the Science of People—a human behavior research lab.
She is the national bestselling author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding With People, which
was chosen as one of Apple’s Most Anticipated Books of 2017. She writes a monthly column on
the science of success for Entrepreneur Magazine and the Huffington Post. Her original research
has been featured in Fast Company, Cosmopolitan, TIME, Forbes, INC and USA Today. As a human
behavior hacker she runs original research experiments on topics such as the science of leadership,
human lie detection, body language hacks, the psychology of attraction and successful people
skills at ScienceofPeople.com. Vanessa has been asked to discuss her innovative work on CNN, CBS
Morning News and NPR. She has also consulted for a number of Fortune 500 companies including
Dove, Symantec and American Express.
scienceofpeople.com
23
When you’re standing and
waiting for an interaction,
keep your head up and your
shoulders down to communicate
how confident you are.
30. VOCAL POWER
When you first start talking
to someone, use your
low vocal power to keep
him or her engaged.
31. REMEMBER
TO BREATHE
Take deep breaths and don’t
go high up with your vocals.
End all your questions with
a period, not a question
mark. You want to sound
like you’re sure of yourself.
32. BE PASSIONATE
Add excitement into your
introductions. Raise your voice,
for example, when talking about
your company or your passions.
33. GROWTH
If you’re in a group and you
want people to pay attention
to you, use the nonverbal hand
signal for growth. This involves
raising your hand in an upward
slope. You’re showing people
using your body language
how successful you are. Of
course, we’re all attracted to
successful people and want to
start conversations with them.