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response will be, or how what they’re
saying will affect you. When people tell
you something about themselves, follow
up with open-ended questions to draw
them out even more.
THEY ARE AUTHENTIC.
Irresistible people are who they are.
Nobody has to burn up energy or
brainpower trying to guess their agenda or
predict what they’ll do next. They do this
because they know that no one likes a fake.
People gravitate toward authentic
individuals because they know they can
trust them. It’s easy to resist someone
when you don’t know who they really are
and how they really feel.
THEY FIND REASONS
TO LOVE LIFE.
Irresistible people are positive and
passionate. They’re never bored,
because they see life as an amazing
adventure and approach it with a joy
that other people want to be a part of.
It’s not that irresistible people don’t have
problems—even big ones—but they
approach problems as temporary obstacles,
not inescapable fate. When things go
wrong, they remind themselves that a bad
day is just one day, and they keep hope
that tomorrow or next week or next month
will be better.
THEY DITCH THE SMALL TALK.
There’s no surer way to prevent an
emotional connection from forming
during a conversation than by sticking to
small talk. When you robotically approach
people with small talk this puts their
brains on autopilot and prevents them from
having any real affinity for you. Irresistible
IRRESISTIBLE PEOPLE
people create connection and find depth
even in short, everyday conversations.
Their genuine interest in other people
makes it easy for them to ask good
questions and relate what they’re told to
other important facets of the speaker’s life.
THEY TREAT EVERYONE
WITH RESPECT.
Whether interacting with their biggest
client or a server taking their drink
order, irresistible people are unfailingly
polite and respectful. They understand
that—no matter how nice they are to the
person they’re having lunch with—it’s
all for naught if that person witnesses
them behaving badly toward someone
else. Irresistible people treat everyone
with respect because they believe
they’re no better than anyone else.
THEY HAVE INTEGRITY.
People with high integrity are irresistible
because they walk their talk, plain and
simple. Integrity is a simple concept but a
difficult thing to practice. To demonstrate
integrity every day, irresistible people
follow through, they avoid talking
bad about other people, and they do
the right thing, even when it hurts.
THEY DON’T TRY TOO HARD.
Irresistible people don’t dominate the
conversation with stories about how smart
and successful they are. It’s not that they’re
resisting the urge to brag. The thought
doesn’t even occur to them because they
know how unlikeable people are who
try too hard to get others to like them.
THEY SMILE.
People naturally (and unconsciously)
mirror the body language of the person
they’re talking to. If you want people to
find you irresistible, smile at them during
conversations and they will unconsciously
return the favor and feel good as a result.
THEY MAKE AN EFFORT TO
LOOK THEIR BEST (JUST NOT
TOO MUCH OF AN EFFORT)
There’s a massive difference between
being presentable and being vain.
Irresistible people understand that making
an effort to look your best is comparable
to cleaning your house before company
comes—it’s a sign of respect for others.
But once they’ve made themselves
presentable, they stop thinking about it.
THEY RECOGNIZE THE
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
FACT AND OPINION.
Irresistible people handle controversial
topics and touchy subjects with grace
and poise. They don’t shrink from
sharing their opinions, but they make
it clear that they’re opinions, not facts.
Whether discussing global warming,
politics, vaccine schedules, or GMO
foods, irresistible people recognize that
many people who are just as intelligent
as they are see things differently.
BRINGING IT ALL TOGETHER
Irresistible people did not have fairy
godmothers hovering over their cribs.
They’ve simply perfected certain
appealing qualities and habits that anyone
can adopt as their own.
They think about other people more than
they think about themselves, and they
make other people feel liked, respected,
understood, and seen. Just remember: the
more you focus on others, the more
irresistible you’ll be.
Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the No. 1 bestselling
book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and the cofounder of TalentSmart, the world's leading
provider of emotional intelligence tests and training, serving more than 75 percent of
Fortune 500 companies. His bestselling books have been translated into 25 languages
and are available in more than 150 countries. Dr. Bradberry has written for, or been
covered by, Newsweek, TIME, BusinessWeek, Fortune, Forbes, Fast Company, Inc., USA
Today, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Harvard Business Review.
talentsmart.com
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