BOOK SHELF
By Khadijah Ashanna Halliday
How To Not Let This Life Drive You Crazy
Part III: We need to talk
Cue the heart failure, tsunami
warnings, missiles launching, not
to forget the worst: Michael the
archangel hailing fire and brimstone
down on our heads…
Hyperbolically, of course, it seems
this is indeed often the reaction
to hearing these four seemingly
‘terrifying’ words.
Saying I don’t understand why
sounds as if I’m feigning ignorance
but, in actuality, this isn’t usually
my reaction to these words. Albeit,
I am usually the one who musters
up the courage to say them.
Condolences to my victims. Well,
not really. See, these four words
usually result in catharsis — a form
of release or cleansing — even
when, yes, you are not the one who
utters them.
I....(and this declaration is going
to reek with irony in light of my
extreme introversion) but I….I am
not afraid of talking.
At least not the type of talking
which constitutes the phrase: “We
need to talk.”
Here is the third installment of:
‘How to not let life drive you crazy’.
“We need to talk”. We really do.
I feel like society ironically
advocates for communication
whilst simultaneously shunning it.
For instance, on film, girlfriends
are shown as passive or passive
aggressive. Boys tend to be
portrayed as impassive. Then, when
Boy meets Girl or Girl meets Boy
and utters the phrase, “We need to
talk”, Boy and Girl break up.
As cliché as this scenario is, I don’t
think the talking is responsible, I
think the lack of it is — this four-
word phrase is often not exercised
enough prior to its first and thus
final utterance.
As daunting as talking things
out may be, particularly in a
relationship (and no, not just the
Boy and Girl kind but Father and
Daughter, Friend and Friend etc.),
talking is akin to a cleanse.
As humans, we take in everything;
we see and observe and listen and
process and reflect and internalize
and think and ruminate….all this
is happening inside: so much
is building up. As I stated prior,
talking is akin to a cleanse. It’s our
chance to let things out: clearing
the mind of the weight of months’
worth of thoughts and frustrations
kept quiet — which is integral in
relationships. It’s one thing to
poison yourself but when another
person is added to the mix, the
poison building up doesn’t kill
them, it kills you — much quicker —
because you’re keeping secret what
doesn’t only belong to you.
I believe each person was born
with their own storage capacities;
some may be larger than others but
there’s always still a limit. Emotion
kept quiet morphs into resentment
and resentment corrupts the
entire storage system. It’s healthy
to format yourself once in awhile.
(Forgive my love for analogies.)
And yes, clearing out gunk and
letting go can feel uncomfortable.
Trust me, I know.
So many times we get mad
because the other person doesn’t
appear to know what they’ve done
to hurt us. Even if we strongly
believe that the other person is
doing it intentionally, starting the
conversation exposes this and we
learn the ‘whys’. Answering the
‘whys’ with our own assumptions
makes no sense. What’s the
80 SL-YOU | It’s All About Business
sense of the other person in the
relationship if you’re going to
answer their ‘whys’ yourself? Oh,
this hit way too close to home. My
home is no more. I’m homeless.
In all honesty, no one is too keen
on starting a conversation that we
know might involve expressions of
anger or frustration but emotion is
human. This doesn’t mean you sign
up to go to court. A conversation
isn’t a trial. You shouldn’t be on the
offense but you shouldn’t be on the
constant defence, either.
It helps to know who you’re dealing
with; this doesn’t mean falsifying
yourself. It means getting through
to someone depends on the person
being ‘gotten through’. Know how
to fashion the statement, “We need
to talk”. Know your person. But also
know your person. Communication
may be key but interpretation is the
lock.
The statement “We need to talk”
doesn’t need to result in you
running for shelter or sounding
an alarm — or expecting an
earthquake.
But even if it does happen — the
earthquake, I mean — you can
rebuild…through talking.
`
Khadijah Halliday is a student
at the Sir Arthur Lewis
Community College. She is a
Spoken Word artist, published
poet, award-winning writer and
empath with a keen interest in
human behaviour .
ashspeaksagain
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www.slyoumag.com | February - April 2020