Sleeves Magazine Men's Fashion Week Special Men's Fashion Week June 2016 | Page 170

carefully this handy guide, based on an
in-depth study of invitations and
publicity materials I received for
London Collections: Men earlier this
month at 180 The Strand.
When communicating with your public,
it is first and foremost vital that you
make as little sense as possible. Don’t
whatever you do use full sentences.
Stick to single words or cryptic phrases,
such as ‘showcase’ or ‘open house’ or
‘screening London presentation’. If you
absolutely must use complete units of
meaning, be sure to randomize your
word order to throw the reader off the
scent. Take the example of Belstaff,
who advertise their new collection
above a 3D lenticular picture of a
motorbike tyre with the words “ON ANY
SUNDAY ESCAPE”, then in a slightly
different colour “ON WHEELS”. Is it a
new sentence? Is it not? Is
punctuation? Many questions arise,
and none are answered. This may be
an invitation to a film screening of
some kind. It equally might be a free
git with no specific event attached.
Whatever you, as a designer, are trying
to say to your audience, make it as
unclear as you can. Get this right and
people will think you’re mysterious and
artistic.
Secondly it is important that you send
your secretive messages on the
thickest paper that has ever existed.
Quite seriously, I could repurpose a lot
of these invitations as panels for

flat-pack furniture, or toboggans come
Winter. They are incomprehensibly
heavy. Evidently in order to be a
successful fashion designer it is
imperative not only that you stuff your
envelopes with as few words as
possible, but with as much wood-pulp
as is conceivable, plus twenty percent.
And while on the topic of envelopes,
they should be heavy as well. And very
strikingly coloured. If not the deepest
black of a thousand underworlds, try
lime green, magenta, or ultramarine. In
fact, why not make the envelope out of
some anti-pliable Kevlar-titanium
composite. Heaven forbid that anyone
should be distracted by the thought of
any information contained within while
trying desperately to burrow into the
missive’s sheathing.
Thirdly, take a look at your design. If
your graphics convey any useful
information at all, scrap them and start
again from scratch. Some of my
invitations, that for Heavy London’s
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