A ( totally fictional ) account of the awesomeness of Mannix , Germany ' s next top ultimate-frisbee-playing , pizza-eating , Tokyovisiting , flying model .
It was night-time . It was always night time on Earth . Ever since the Great Collision in the year 2022 ; when the super-massive asteroid Chanel No . 5555 had bent around the gravitational field of Jupiter onto a deadly course , knocking Australia clean off the face of the globe and sending the home-planet of all humankind spinning off into deep space like a billiard ball ; the sun had been getting a little more distant each day until the word ' day ' became as meaningless as the word ' jabot '.
But day or night , or star-swirling median , you could count on one thing no matter where you were on the Earth in the year 2025 . Wherever Mannix went , adoring crowds would follow .
It was Mannix , you see , who had solved the planet ' s temperature issues by speaking passionately in the final , frozen issue of Vogue Hommes to encourage extreme and immediate greenhouse gas emissions . It was Mannix who , with a dexterity of mind never-before-imagined , designed the gelatinous atmospheric venting systems which now held the planet in a protective cocoon , releasing and converting polluting elements whilst simultaneously providing a useful and dignified resting-place for the several billion extra cows that had been required for the warming project . It was Mannix , and no one else , who had seen that endlessly renewable energy could now be harvested from the oceans as they boiled and rocked with Earth ' s erratic new course through the cosmos , and Mannix who suggested humankind use this energy primarily to power superfun and subtly nutritious laser-light shows in all major population centres until further notice .
Most importantly of all , however , it had been Mannix who had posed for the poster campaigns for all these things , his intangible charm and authority uniting humankind and soothing people from all walks of life through the admittedly uncomfortable transition .
This was a special not-a-day for Mannix , for in all the fuss and hubbub surrounding his rise to universal adoration and salvation of the entire human race he had never until now managed to fulfil his childhood dream – of playing ultimate frisbee in Tokyo then eating pizza aterwards . But the game