silvergoldmagazine.ca
INSPIRATION
KEEP PASSION ALIVE, Part 2
The Power of Touch
– By Mark Tharme
Touch is our first language. Before we learn to talk, we
communicate through our sense of touch. Our parents held us,
and it made us feel better. A touch is reassuring and uplifting.
And at least while it’s happening, it feels like someone else
understands us, relates to us, and most importantly, connects
with us.
We are a touch-deprived culture, and we have become a
touch-phobic society. Behavioral scientists have found that
about two to four feet is the accepted amount of personal space
most of us need to feel comfortable. How did something so
natural and comforting as touching become a rarity?
Psychologist Matthew Hertenstein, PhD, is director of the
Touch and Emotion Lab at DePauw University (Indiana).
According to Hertenstein, touch deprivation is a real thing.
“Most of us, whatever our relationship status, need more human
contact than we’re getting,” says Hertenstein. “Compared with
other cultures, we live in a touch-phobic society that’s made
affection with anyone but loved ones taboo.”
Research has proven that physical affection can have
measurable health benefits. “Stimulating touch receptors
under the skin can lower blood pressure and cortisol levels,
effectively reducing stress,” Hertenstein says. A study from the
University of North Carolina found that women who hugged
their spouse or partner frequently (even for just 20 seconds)
had lower blood pressure, possibly because a warm embrace
increases oxytocin levels in the brain. Over time, lower blood
pressure may decrease a person’s risk for heart disease.
Even though many of us are cautious about touching, we
come equipped with the ability to send and receive emotional
signals just by doing so. Participants in Hertenstein’s study
were able to communicate eight distinct emotions – anger, fear,
disgust, love, gratitude, sympathy, happiness, and sadness—
with accuracy rates as high as 78 percent. “I was surprised,”
Hertenstein admits. “I thought the accuracy would be at
chance level, about 25 percent.”
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So not only is it good for your health, non-sexual touches
allow you to feel more connected and loved in your relationship.
Here are some ways you can get the touch working for you
and your partner.
Hugging
The average hug is 1.7 seconds long. After around 4 seconds,
many people start to get squeamish. Try hugging for longer
durations. Hug each other as soon as you see each other. Our
skin has a memory of “good touch” (loved), “bad touch”
(abused) and “no touch” (neglected). Couples who say hello
with a hug keep their skin conditioned for the “good touch.”
Walk hand in hand or arm in arm
Happy couples are proud to be seen together and are often in
close contact – hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee
or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just
demonstrating that they belong with each other.
Stroke your partner’s hair
In fact, touching your partner’s head can be one of the most
comforting and pleasurable gestures you can make. Just try
it and see.