SENIORS
MOMENTS
– By Don Crossley
D ealing with grief is not easy for anyone.
Over our lifetime, my wife Joan and I had many friends
and relatives who had sadly lost their spouse or other dearly
loved one. We marvelled at how some of them were able to
seemingly take the loss in stride, while others were totally
devastated.
I have now learned that I belong to the second group – the
ones that were totally devastated. This was caused by the
sudden loss of my own wife Joan.
In mid-February, Joan was diagnosed with a brain tumour.
Surgery was recommended, and the tumour was removed.
After surgery, Doctors were quite pleased with her progress
and even provided a tentative date as to when she would be
coming home. On Mother’s Day weekend, Joan suddenly
lapsed into a state of unconsciousness from which she never
recovered. I was at her bedside when she passed. To say that
I was shocked and devastated by this outcome is putting
it mildly.
Joan and I met when we
were both still teenagers,
working together at the
old Imperial Bank of
Canada, on James St.
South in Hamilton. I was
a junior clerk and Joan
was a secretary. It took
me quite a while to get
up the nerve to ask this
extremely attractive and
brilliant young lady out
for even a coffee – and that
was almost 65 years ago.
In October of this year we
would have celebrated our
62nd wedding anniversary.
Joan and I were extremely close and went everywhere
together. Friends thought it to be extremely odd if they saw
either of us out alone, as this was indeed a rare occurrence. Joan
was not only the most important person in my life but also
my advisor and counsellor on a wide variety of matters, while
28
Lots more online! www.silvergoldmagazine.ca
SHARE YOUR MEMORIES
If you have memories, comments, and stories
you would like to share, please contact Don at:
[email protected]
You may also send your photos and letters
through Silver & Gold Magazine.
See page 5 for mailing address.
at the same time being an outstanding mother to our three
children. I know for a fact that I never would have achieved
the success that I did, without Joan’s advice and motivation.
Joan is the one who encouraged me to start writing a column,
first in the Hamilton Spectator when they still had a Burlington
section, and then for 16 years in the Burlington Post. Silver
and Gold has now kindly offered to extend my writing career
on these pages. Joan edited every column that I ever wrote,
making any necessary corrections. This is the first one I have
attempted to write without her help. Thankfully our eldest
son David has agreed to take over this task (Thanks David).
After my retirement, we both became very involved as
volunteers with several organizations, including the Burlington
Seniors’ Centre, and of course sang in their choir for over 20
years. I will be rejoining that group in September.
So, I had to ask myself, “What now”?
While in Hospital, Joan made me promise that I would
again get involved with volunteering in the community. So,
I am back volunteering at the Seniors’ Centre. I am currently
helping out in the kitchen as a dishwasher. I know Joan would
have teased me about my new position, what with my being
a former Chair of the Board of Management at the centre.
Joan also knew how much I loved cats, and insisted that I
adopt one from the SPCA, as our last one had passed away in
December. I am pleased to report that I have now adopted a
3-year-old male cat by the name of ‘Tupper’ from the SPCA,
and we are getting along extremely well.
Tupper the cat is certainly helping me to adjust to this new
world without Joan, but I still have a very long way to go. I am
meeting with a grief counsellor on a regular basis. I find this
interaction to be invaluable and would strongly recommend
this to anyone who finds themselves in a similar position.
I mustn’t forget to thank our many friends and relations for
their wonderful support. You truly never know how many
people are in your corner until a time like this. Even though
we may not realize it, there truly is a community of caring
people surrounding each and every one of us. •