E LIVE VE
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happened to catch our show, punched me in the f ace. I sniffing, and holding all the mess in because you were
think he was jealous.
at some stuffy e vent that discourages public showings of
bodily fluid. Finally blowing your nose out of sight, that’s
[sic]: What is the differ ence in perspective when you what Gear feels like.
experience live music on stage, creating it, as opposed to It’s the peculiar feeling y ou get when someone br eathes
watching a show?
over your left shoulder.
[RG]:
Are you serious?!
You need to move your fingers.
You can cast spells when y ou
play, and change things if
you don’t like the way sound
is moving. But…If you’re
a really attentive audience
member and you can dance in
perfect synch with the music,
you have the opportunity to
cast a spell as w ell. You can
show the band ho w their
music looks, and this can
change the w ay they play.
Like the time I danced so hard a t a Van Halen show and
David Lee Roth started emulating me. The big Van Halen
air kicks can actuall y be a ttributed to me . Without the
kick, their music wouldn’t be the same.
It’s louder.
Pretty quiet, actually. All the speakers point out.
[sic]: What does Richard Gear live, feel like?
[RG]:
What’s with all this touchy-feely shit? Why don’t you ask
some real questions?
A unicorn jumping o ver a rainbo w, then accidentall y
skewering its young.
Wet willy.
Like blowing your nose after sniffing and sniffing and
[sic]: If you had to liken the live experience to an animal,
what animal would that be?
get skewered.
[RG]:
A sloth giving you a wet willy.
An animal? Do you write for
a freakin’ teen mag?
A fly buzzing in the upper
reaches of a ceiling just out of
reach of cer tain death from
some insomniac.
A wookie with a top ha t.
Why? If you saw a w ookie
with a top hat, you’d get it.
The young unicorn about to
[sic]: Last question: Connect Richard Gear live to one of
the biggest ideas of the last century.
[RG]:
That’s not a question.
Uhu?
Nuclear disarmament. A great idea—the salv ation of
mankind held back by lies and a whole bunch of smoke
and mirrors.
Mitt Romney’s five-point plan to stimulate the economy
in 2009. Huge.
Wiki leaks. Because once you’ve heard us, the secret is
out.
4
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