RAMPERSAUD: I CAN RESCUE THEM
LONDON (AP) -- In a press conference this morning, trillionaire English philanthropist and engineer Julia Rampersaud announced that she had developed the technology to rescue the astronauts stranded in space on Senji Aeronautics's failed asteroid mission.
"All I did was design the ship," Rampersaud said. "The technology has existed since the nineteen-sixties. It's quite simple, really. We detonate a nuclear bomb instead of rocket fuel. The more powerful explosion will propel my rescue ship to more than five times the speed of the runaway mining ship. It's literally the only way to move fast enough to catch them. I've been working on the design with my team in secret for years as part of a hypothetical robotic mission to Proxima Centauri. I have the ship's design finished. I can be ready to launch in six months. It's a tight window, but I believe I can retrieve the astronauts before their supplies run out and return them safely to earth."
She added: "Now, who wants to give me the bombs?"
***
SENJI RESPONDS
TOKYO (AP) -- Vice President Yamamoto of Senji Aeronautics, Inc. spoke this morning in response to Julia Rampersaud's comments yesterday. He stated that his company could not condone the use of nuclear weapons, regardless of the circumstance.
***