Robin Lawrimore Lewis
contributing writer
The Heart of Modesty
Modesty has been a much used word in Christian teaching in
the past few years and is defined by words like humble, free
from vanity or boastfulness, free from showy extravagance,
and having regard for decency in behavior, speech, and dress.
When modesty refers to how we clothe ourselves, we need
to understand that while we may be comfortable wearing
certain styles, we have a responsibility to ourselves and
those around us. Like many other parts of life, the way we
each choose to dress carries with it much opinion and controversy. In the Church’s effort to encourage young women
not to dress like their favorite rock stars, modesty is bordering on idolatry, with phrases like “Modest is Hottest” which
actually continues to sexualize a woman’s attire.
In our efforts to bring back our ideas of decency, we find
that cultural influence affects more than the young. As a
result, many middle-aged Christian women are equally influenced by magazine models and what media and movies
show as “acceptable”. We find a growing number of women
scantily clad due to reasons like fashion, freedom, rebellion,
attention, and acceptance. Clothing designers are happy
to create increasingly revealing fashions to ride the wave of
popularity and profit.
So what is proper, decent, and appropriate? How do we,
as Christians, influence our families, friends, and community
with true modest behavior? As we attempt to answer those
questions, let’s also dispel some myths.
Contrary to some Christian thought, women are not responsible for men being tempted to think of sex, whether they pass them on the street or in the church aisle. No
matter how a woman may be clothed, the responsibility for
one’s thoughts lies with the one doing the thinking. If this
myth were true, whenever I walk past a bakery and see the
luscious cream-filled pastries in the window and allow a desire to grow to the point of purchasing and consuming them,
then is the bakery to blame for my weight gain? Accordingly, if I walk past a man in tight fitting jeans and t-shirt, and
wonder what he looks like naked, then is he to blame for my
t houghts? Let’s look at what Jesus said: “You have heard it
said to not commit adultery; but I say to you that if a man
looks upon a woman lustfully, that he has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28) Jesus
taught that what our lives show is a matter of the heart.
As women, do we bear no responsibility? Hope McClam,
a licensed counselor with Higher Ground Christian Counseling
Service in Pamplico, SC, said, “While we are not responsible for
someone’s thoughts, there are times when we contribute to
the possibility of a situation by the way we are dressed. Even if
your perspective is not about protecting a man’s thoughts, you
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September 2014
can choose to protect yourself from an undesirable response.”
As Christian women, we do have a responsibility. How we
live our lives doesn’t just affect us, it also affects others. There
are many times I feel the need to protect my husband’s eyes
from uncovered cleavage, and thankfully he chooses to look
away. Modesty is an intrinsic value that flows from the inside
out, a matter of the heart. How we dress and adorn ourselves
says a lot about us. Are we to judge each other condemningly?
No, we are to allow the Spirit of God to deal with us about our
attire, attitude, behaviors, and especially about our hearts.
Another myth to dismantle is that to dress modestly will
cause you to appear dowdy or out of style. Modesty does
not mean you have to adhere to strict religious rules about
attire. Some parts of the Church dictate exactly what kinds
and styles of clothing are acceptable within their 4 walls, and
this is a form of legalism. The modesty issue is particularly
complex because sometimes biblical truth intertwines with
cultural standards. Is a woman’s desire to be attractive and
stylish a bad thing? God made women beautiful, and it’s not
wrong to want to look your best. The fashion market is amply
supplied in styles that cover well if we make that choice.
It can be tough. Culture does affect us. Fashion, movies,
and media will attempt to define life for us. If we consider
ourselves to be women of integrity, then we will walk in a
way that says, “I have great value, and my life and presentation are important to me, for me.” For the young woman
who still lives at home and is under her parent’s authority,
the parents need to realize the power of their influence on
their child’s life. Our children need to be taught that TV presents an unrealistic and unhealthy picture of relationships
and sexuality. What we teach while children are young will
carry with them into adulthood, for better or for worse.
Cheri Helms Bolyn, a former Miss Florence and owner
of Carolina Dance & Athletics, Johnsonville, SC, uses conservative guidelines in choosing costumes and music that
are age-appropriate, and does not teach provocative dance
moves. Cheri says, “Value and respect yourself and what
you stand for, then you won’t be tempted to go around
half-dressed.” She sees a growing cultural problem and
does more than teach dance - Cheri invests in shaping the
lives of young people. A former student recently paid a visit
to thank her by saying, “You taught me so much, not just
dance, but values.”
I believe the majority of women are well aware of the
power and influence we can have on men. While we may
not be responsible for thoughts they entertain, we must be
aware of our own motives and appearance, for any form of
manipulation is detrimental to relationships. If women and
men both are confident of their intrinsic value as ones who
bear God’s image, then we will all consider our conduct and
dress, and remember that our beliefs, values, and character
reflect our heart.
A woman clothed in character, integrity, and dignity is
not swayed by the compelling influence of an always changing culture, but makes choices that are in line with modest
values in how she speaks, dresses, and lives her life. That
kind of woman walks in power to add value to herself and
encourages personal strength in those around her to do the
same. That woman can be you.