A One-Derful Life with Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A. contributing writer
BLESSING OR LESSON:
Discerning the Difference
I’VE HEARD IT SAID, “When God wants to bless you,
they can see who you really are. Throughout the Bible, God
He sends a person into your life; when the enemy wants to
tells us to “wait on” Him. A friend of mine recently rushed
mess you up, he sends a person into your life.” If that’s true,
into a marriage with a man that she declared was “sent by
how do you know the difference?
God,” and she’s now contemplating filing for divorce. If the
First, one way that you CANNOT discern the difference
between a blessing and a lesson is by your emotions. While
As women, we can be swept off our feet by a beau who is
emotions that make you tell all your friends that you “just
gung-ho to get married right away. Again, that Disney fairy
know” the guy who stood behind you at Starbucks is your
tale of being whisked off by Prince Charming gets the best
soulmate. You have one date with someone and think God
of us. We’re told that men are commitment-phobes (not
sent the person as your life partner.
necessarily true), so when a man is talking marriage on the
Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things
second date, we think we’ve struck dating gold! Warning:
and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” If I had a dollar
many men know that talking about marriage is an effective
for every time I believed the Lord had sent a particular man
way to get into a woman’s life (and bed). Personally, my
for my blessing, I’d be able to retire this year.
experience has been that men who are in a rush to get
Do you need to feel butterflies for a relationship? I believe
married are frequently trying to close the deal before you
you do. Should you be excited about someone you’re in a
find out about the dealbreaker they’re hiding from you. By
relationship with? Yes. Should you make decisions and com-
the time you find out about it, you’re already legally bound
mitments based on butterflies and excitement? Maybe not.
and emotionally shackled.
Another way you CANNOT discern the difference between
Listen, I’ve been single a long time, and I’m ready for a
a blessing and a lesson is by listening to your well-inten-
relationship! However, I’ve had the experience of a guy
tioned friends who are peddling the Disney version of
showing up in my life, seemingly randomly, and thinking
romance, whereby Prince Charming suddenly shows up,
he was the great love I’d been waiting for. After months of
lays eyes on you, and you ride off into the sunset together.
emotional abuse at his hands, I started to think God proba-
Many of my good friends, upon hearing I had a date, have
bly didn’t want me to feel anxious and devalued on a daily
exclaimed, “I feel like it’s God!” Which was really encourag-
basis. If I had let the relationship blossom over time – even
ing, until it turned out that the guy was more of a dud than a
six months – I would have saved myself a lot of heartache
stud. It’s embarrassing to have to tell people either God sent
and bills for therapy.
A third way you CANNOT discern the difference between
ing time together. Not talking on the phone or Skyping for a
year; not “dating” long-distance where you see each other
he’s from Tennessee, and then everywhere you look, you
once a month. Regular, consistent time together so you can
see Tennessee license plates, paraphernalia for the Vols
see how the person acts in his or her day-to-day life. If you’re
or Titans, or headlines from Nashville. Psychologically,
“dating” long-distance, it’s going to take a lot longer for the
what’s happening is that you are primed and sensitive to
shine to wear off enough for you to see the real person.
references about Tennessee because that is now at the front
If it’s “meant to be,” what’s the harm in taking time to see if
of your mind. It probably doesn’t “mean something” that
the relationship is truly a blessing or if it’s a lesson? If you’re
you both had broken arms in the 5th grade or that you both
feeling pressured to rush things, remember that Jesus nev-
love pineapple on your pizza. Again, you are more prone
er pressured people to join him. God doesn’t pressure us…
to see these similarities because you are excited about the
He beckons us, and He waits for us to turn to Him.
or commitment based on these surface facts.
FEBRUARY 2016
And when I say “time,” that means consistently spend-
a blessing and a lesson is by random “signs.” For example:
person. That’s cool and fun, just don’t make a big decision
60
months to get to know the person?
I am a fan of following your intuition, I’m talking about the
me a loser or they were wrong.
relationship is “from God,” what’s the harm in taking 12-18
If you need some help in sorting out blessings from lessons, I have some help for you. Go to www.One-DerfulLife.
So, how can you tell the difference between a blessing
com/QuickStart for a free course. Whether or not you’re
and a lesson? TIME. You have to give the relationship time
interested in a relationship, it will help you get started on
to unfold so that you can see who you are dealing with, and
your own One-Derful Life!
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