“ They aren ’ t just feathers ; they ’ re the princess ’ memories .”
“ It seems like it would be best to just forget about the princess and take some Nyquil . Sleep will help you stop being contagious .”
One day Fairfax created a challenge for the both of them . He called it the “ Fuck It List .” This was a list of the types of women he and David needed to have sex with before they died . He asked David to help come up with it . The final product was : a virgin , an artist , a woman who writes terrible poetry , a magician , a clown , a woman who knows Cascading Style Sheets , a woman who can orgasm in the voice of a cartoon character from one ’ s childhood ( excluding individual Pokémon ), a gymnast , a princess , a woman who can drive a boat , and a woman whose total pets sums to a prime number which is greater than three .
It seemed like an unrealistic task that neither of them took seriously . It was just a sexist joke between an aggressively sad , charismatic drunk and his uncomfortable , awkward friend who didn ’ t know about how men do things really . Then Fairfax had a chance encounter with a woman who ran a circus , and single-handedly satisfied nearly half of the criteria in one go . That circus had 31 animals in the name of that one magic , acrobatic clown .
Fairfax grew cavalier about the whole thing . A week later he found an artist to sleep with . A month later a there was an open mic with a woman who made bad decisions both in her poetry and her life .
Eight months later Fairfax met a graphics designer named Ashley in his anthropology class . Fairfax tried to set them up . David was very interested . She wasn ’ t . At least , she wasn ’ t interested in David . Shortly after , Fairfax crossed off “ virgin ” and “ Cascading Style Sheets ” off of the Fuck It List , but swore she wasn ’ t Ashley .
David couldn ’ t stand the guy anymore . He hated the way he introduced himself to girls , “ I ’ m Fairfax , if that ’ s too dumb you can call me ‘ Firefox .’” It was unbelievable that he could make his name dumber . It wasn ’ t even a good joke . It was the type of pseudo-nerdy crap they would use in a Post Modern sitcom , queuing the laugh track and non-nerds would love it because they know what a web browser is . It just didn ’ t seem fair
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