ADR CORNER
ADR CORNER
We Were ( Almost ) Born Ready to Negotiate
ADAM MYRON
If you ’ ve ever tried to get a six-year-old to eat vegetables , you know that children can be masterful negotiators . I know I ’ ve had the following conversation many times :
“ You have to eat all your carrots and broccoli . No ice cream until you do .”
“ I can eat all that . I ’ ll eat three carrots and two pieces of broccoli .”
“ Fine , just eat already .” “ And I want two scoops of ice cream .” “ Don ’ t push your luck …”
Everyone ’ s interests are met in these negotiations . Here , my interest in ensuring my child eats vegetables is met , even if it comes at the cost of replacing a few vegetables with a little ice cream . My child ’ s interests in getting dessert and not eating too many vegetables are met , at the mere cost of having to eat a few vegetables . Everyone is a winner .
The frequency of such negotiations with my own children got me wondering : How do some human beings develop effective negotiation skills at an early age ? Fully answering that question would likely require a much more complicated and lengthy discussion than the space limitations of this article will allow . However , I suspect that at least part of the answer lies in the fact that the stories , fables , and parables that parents and other caregivers tell children include morals and lessons that mirror the foundational principles upon which effective negotiations are built . Consider the following examples .
In The Boy Who Cried Wolf , a mischievous child tasked with notifying neighbors of threats to the village gets a good laugh by sounding multiple false alarms of “ wolf ” until the day that an actual wolf appears and no one believes his cries to be true . The result : happy wolf ; not so happy boy . Through this story , children learn the importance of building and maintaining trust , a key ingredient to an effective negotiation . It may seem obvious , but if you fail to build trust with your negotiating partner ( I use the term negotiating “ partner ” because I believe it ’ s counterproductive to think of that person as an adversary ), you are much less likely to achieve as good of a negotiated outcome as you would have achieved if your partner had confidence in the accuracy and veracity of the information and perspectives you conveyed during the negotiation .
In The Tortoise and the Hare , a steady and persistent tortoise wins a footrace against an overeager and easily distracted hare . The morals embedded in The Tortoise and the Hare are useful to remember at the negotiating table because negotiating is an arduous task . It can take a lot of time , and it works best when the parties are focused and do not rush .
In The Lion and the Mouse , the king of the jungle steps on a thorn . He roars and howls with pain until a mouse , who could easily take advantage of the situation by leaving the lion to his misery , instead pulls the thorn from the lion ’ s paw . Through an act of kindness , the mouse gains a powerful lifelong friend . The Lion and the Mouse teaches children the values of trust , empathy , and compassion . When those values are put into practice during the negotiation process , negotiators are better able to understand perspectives that differ from their own ; and , by putting themselves in the shoes of their negotiating partners , they can better understand the interests and incentives that will facilitate better negotiated outcomes .
The Lion and the Mouse also serves as an excellent example of how to overcome a cognitive bias known as the fundamental attribution error , which is the tendency to explain other people ’ s behavior by placing too much emphasis on internal dispositional factors and too little emphasis on external situational factors . In the story , the mouse has to overcome the urge to ascribe the lion ’ s
PBCBA BAR BULLETIN 6 roaring to a fierce aggressive disposition and consider that the lion ’ s behavior was the result of some external cause ( specifically , stepping on a thorn ). Resisting that urge opened a pathway to compassion and empathy , which resulted in a positive outcome for both the lion and the mouse .
We navigate life by constantly negotiating . Sometimes , negotiations are with other people ( how do you and I resolve our conflict ?), sometimes they ’ re with the environment ( how do I get from point A to point B ?), and sometimes they ’ re with ourselves ( how will I reward myself later for hard work I do now ?). Often , we negotiate with those to whom we owe the greatest duty of care : the next generation of children who one day will be the stewards of the planet . So although it might result in a few less vegetables and a little more ice cream eaten at suppertime , I ’ m still glad that the fables and stories we tell children are grounded in principles for future success .
Adam Myron is an attorney with the law firm of Cagnet Myron Law , P . A ., where , as a Florida Supreme Court Certified Circuit Mediator and a Florida Qualified Arbitrator , he focuses a large part of his practice on alternative dispute resolution . Adam is also a civil litigator in the fields of complex business litigation , trust & estate litigation , and professional liability litigation . You can email Adam at amyron @ cagnetmyronlaw . com and learn more about him by visiting https :// cagnetmyronlaw . com / about / attorneys / adam-myron /.
For additional ADR tips and resources , go to https :// www . palmbeachbar . org / alternativedispute-resolution-committee /.
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