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Superwoman Sanctuary
Candice Payne

Is it okay for Married Couples to spend the Holidays at separate homes/events?

This response/comment is not intended for those who work on holidays or other
circumstances that may require you to be away from each other during the holidays.
Some couples believe it is okay to split for the holidays and spend it with their “respective”
families. In my opinion, when you got married, he/she became your “respective family”
while the others became your extended family. If you are newlyweds, I wouldn’t recommend
it. Holidays are usually spent with families and your new husband/wife is your new family.
It’s a great opportunity for them to meet your extended family and for them to spend time
getting to know your mate. My question is: Why did you start a family to ditch them for the
holidays? Notice when people are interested in marriage they say “I want to get married and
start a family.” I believe this becomes an “issue” in many marriages because the couples
are trying to implement the traditions/values of their parents/grandparents into their new
family. Another issue couples have is feeling obligated to attend family functions. We hate
to disappoint our family by not coming to the annually tree decorating and hot chocolate
gathering. That’s added pressure on top of the daily stresses of being married and trying to
coexist with the opposite sex. The last person you want to disappoint and/or fight with is
your spouse. Remember when you leave all the fun with the cousins you have to return
home to him/her.
Some couples probably fought prior to the holidays and are not speaking so they go their
separate ways on holidays. What a great way to show your extended family how immature
and divided you are because of a disagreement. We should always strive to show a united
front, though it may be easier said than done in some situations. If there are children
involved I believe the couple should swallow their pride and offense to not separ ate
themselves from their children or force the children to choose who they would rather spend
the holidays with.
If your extended family dislikes your spouse or your spouse dislikes them, try bringing them
together in an attempt to make peace. I also suggest you don’t attend the family gathering
without your spouse if he/she is uncomfortable with it. Your spouse may not be easy to get
along with but I believe it will cause more damage to your marriage if he or she feels you
siding against them.
Each couple has to decide what they are okay with and compromise so both can be
satisfied. You may have to visit her side of the family on Thanksgiving and his side on
Christmas or vice versa. Either way, I believe the holidays are meant to bring families
together and it’s nice for couples to celebrate them together. If you have children, this is a
great time to create your own family traditions and memories for them. Whatever you
decide be considerate of each other’s feelings. If you can help it, try not to separate during
the holidays.