Sepia Prime Woman Digital Magazine October 2013 | Page 18

New Beginnings for Empty Nesters

Marilyn Okoye

Graduation day is finally here. All you’ve worked so hard
for is coming to fruition. Your youngest child or only
child has graduated. You saved, you gave and you prayed
them through every test, trial, and temptation. You are
now closer to the coveted “Lifetime Parent Award”. You
know, it’s the award we all deserve but does not exist.
Now that you and your child have achieved this great
accomplishment, what’s next? Perhaps now your
child goes off to college. He or she has completed all
the applications, taken all the tests, applied for the
scholarships and grants. And with your savings, your
child now has the resources to dream of becoming a
college graduate. You already sat him down and talked
about life away from home. You helped her pack
everything she needed. You planned the best route to the
campus. As you are driving away from the place you left
your child, that nagging question comes to your mind
again. “What’s next?” There are no more high school
dates, parent teacher conferences, school activities, proms
or graduations to look forward to. Before you go to bed
and after the last nervous phone call with your child (just
making sure he’s settled in), the question becomes more
insistent. What am I going to do now that my child has
gone off to college?
This place in a parent’s life
is often referred to as the
“empty nest”, when there
are no more children in the
home to train, raise, and
guide. This can be a
difficult transition for one
or two-parent homes.
While becoming an empty
nester may be difficult at
first, it need not be
devastating. For a two-parent home this can be a time of
getting reacquainted with one another without having to
focus on the needs of the child(ren). For the single parent,
this may be a time of living alone for the first time in
many years, or ever.
Life is a series of transitions from one stage and season to
another. Just as your child has gone off to fulfill a dream,
you can do the same. Revisit your dreams or make some
new ones as you start a new chapter of your life.

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1) Rediscover Your Passions
Make a list of things you’ve always wanted to do. Is
it writing, music lessons, flying lessons, dancing, or
parasailing? Perhaps it’s a new career or going back to
school. What gives you a sense of purpose or wonder?
You still have a purpose once your children are gone.
What work would you do for free? That is a clue to some
things that you are passionate about.
2) Travel
If money allows it, why not visit places you’ve always
dreamed of going? Once the kids move out, you might
sit across the table from your spouse with little to say,
wondering if you have what it takes for your marriage to
survive. Rekindle your romance by going somewhere.
Think of it as the honeymoon that will kick start the
new chapter of your relationship. If you’re single, map
out a plan to visit old friends who have moved away or
that you’ve lost contact with over the years. If they have
children that have gone off to college as well, reconnect
and keep each other encouraged. Plan a trip together.
3) Enjoy
Although you don’t want your child to feel like you’re
pushing them out the door, make plans to redecorate their
room. A new office or workout room with some fresh
paint, furnishings, or equipment will help jump start your
next step. Your children brought much joy into your life.
Don’t stop enjoying life just because they are no longer
at home! There’s a richer joy and freedom for you once
you know that your children are thriving and becoming
independent.
Even though they are away, you can still do all of the
nurturing things you’ve done for them before. Although
a parent’s job is never done, raising an independent,
young adult is a great accomplishment. Celebrate yourself
for a job well done. If you are
having a hard time or experiencing
depressed feelings, get help from
other parents, your church, or
family doctor. Empty nesting can
be difficult, but the good news is
there is life after the kids!
Marilyn Okoye is an author, mother
and friend.