Sepia Prime Woman Digital Magazine October 2013 | Page 13

Loving: Are We There
Yet? Pastor Traci Childress
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Before you said I do, what did you imagine married life
would be like 25 years down the road? You may have
thought your children would be gone, that you would
be free from financial struggle, or that you would have
certainty about the direction your life was going, and have
time to explore your passions and/or business endeavors.
You may have also thought the communication with
your mate would be open and harmonious, or that you
would both be established in your call in ministry, maybe
even doing ministry together. What about intimacy,
unencumbered and spontaneous? Are we there yet? Are
we even close? Here are a couple of steps to help you
answer those questions and move towards resolving any
concerns.
Step One
Hope deferred can make the heart of a marriage sick,
so let’s begin to turn that around. You should start first
with finding yourself again. After so many years in the
marriage, it is easy to lose a sense of your own identity,
which causes you to look to your mate as the source for
personal f ulfillment. This can result in overemphasizing
external failures and associating them with the reason
you have become bored, dissatisfied, and/or disillusioned
within the marriage relationship. In essence, these failures
become icons and a constant reminder that something
is not working. BREAK FREE! Make a list of things you
have imagined yourself doing, pick one, and make plans
to do it. Setting a start date is essential to this step.

Step Two
Now that you have begun to rediscover yourself, you are
ready for the next step to a new outlook. Brace yourself
for this one. You have to make a conscious decision to let
go of the things you can’t get back. Time, past decisions,
and loss can weigh heavily at this step. Some things that
you may be hanging on to can’t be undone or changed.
You will never be in your 20s and 30s again and carrying
regret will only steal from hope-filled tomorrows. Yes,
there is some grieving taking place, but it is necessary in
order to stop blaming yourself and/or your spouse for
past failures. But don’t forget as you let go, you are trading
failure for victory.
This is only the beginning to discovering a new
destination called “there”. The reason it is important to
take the steps in this order is because you will have more
success letting go when you have begun something that
makes your heart sing. You will also notice you aren’t
waiting for your husband to make you happy. It will also
relieve some of the pressure placed on the relationship
to bring satisfaction. Don’t make excuses, take back your
time, don’t be afraid, and embrace a victorious journey!

Charles & Traci Childress oversee The Marriage Network, a
ministry that empowers couples to see their relationship as
more than just co-habitating, but as an opportunity to be
a dynamic force in their homes, community, and extended
family. You can find them at:
www.funinmarriage.net

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