Sepia Prime Woman Digital Magazine March 2014 | Page 11

LIFE CHANGING
FEATURE

What Do You Say You
Are?
Janice Rankin
At a recent gathering of
friends and acquaintances, I
witnessed
a
troubling
occurrence. The evening was
coming to an end and I was in
the kitchen with someone
else, when a woman entered.
Initially I was not paying
much attention, but my ears
perked up and I became
attuned when she boldly
declared, “I am a heaux”!
Caught off guard, I was
immediately drawn into the
conversation by what I
viewed as a denigrating
comment about self. I later learned there
were other dynamics in play that night that
precipitated the less than flattering selfproclamation. Yet, I still struggled with the
incongruity that was at war in my heart and
head.
Coming from my perspective of self-esteem
as a positive or negative attitude towards
self, I had difficulty believing this woman
held herself in such a state. I was utterly
perplexed. I was more taken aback because
in my eyes she is a dynamic, intelligent,
creative,
and
respectable
woman.
Unexpectedly, I experienced feelings of hurt
and sadness. Even if she did slightly feel

Sepia Prime Woman

this way, which I doubted, I questioned why
she would say that? Why would she put that
word out into her orbit? None
the wiser, I called her out on
it. She later explained it by
saying it was a joke and I
simply just missed it. Perhaps
I did miss something, but the
nagging feeling I had
provoked
my
own
exploration of what we say
when
we
talk
about
ourselves, to ourselves, and
the
transformative
and
sustaining power behind
those words.
One of the messages from the
old “sticks and stones may
break my bones” idiom is that
words are just that, and only have power if
you allow them to. Paradoxically, this
saying also suggests that words can hurt.
One day, when I was in the fourth grade, I
arrived home from school in tears because I
had been teased about having skinny legs.
After telling my loving protective mother
the reason I was crying, she taught me this
sticks and stones saying because she saw
that the name calling wounded me and had
attacked my young and tender self-esteem.
With soothing words, she wrapped her arms
around me and said, “You are more than just
“Sticks and Stones May Break My
Bones
But Words Can Never Hurt Me”
March 2014