Sepia Prime Woman Digital Magazine December 2013 | Page 17

Superwoman Sanctuary
-Candice Payne
Is it okay for Married Couples
to spend the Holidays at
separate homes/events?

This response/comment is
not intended for those who
work on holidays or other
circumstances that may require
you to be away from each other
during the holidays.
Some couples believe it is okay to split for the holidays and
spend it with their “respective” families. In my opinion,
when you got married, he/she became your “respective
family” while the others became your extended family. If
you are newlyweds, I wouldn’t recommend it. Holidays are
usually spent with families and your new husband/wife is
your new family. It’s a great opportunity for them to meet
your extended family and for them to spend time getting to
know your mate.
My question is: Why did you start a family to ditch them
for the holidays? Notice when people are interested in
marriage they say “I want to get married and start a family.”
I believe this becomes an “issue” in many marriages
because the couples are trying to implement the traditions/
values of their parents/grandparents into their new family.
Another issue couples have is feeling obligated to attend
family functions. We hate to disappoint our family by not
coming to the annually tree decorating and hot chocolate
gathering. That’s added pressure on top of the daily stresses
of being married and trying to coexist with the opposite
sex. The last person you want to disappoint and/or fight

with is your spouse. Remember when you leave all the fun
with the cousins you have to return home to him/her.
Some couples probably fought prior to the holidays and are
not speaking so they go their separate ways on holidays.
What a great way to show your extended family how
immature and divided you are because of a disagreement.
We should always strive to show a united front, though it
may be easier said than done in some situations. If there
are children involved I believe the couple should swallow
their pride and offense to not separate themselves from
their children or force the children to choose who they
would rather spend the holidays with.
If your extended family dislikes your spouse or your spouse
dislikes them, t ry bringing them together in an attempt
to make peace. I also suggest you don’t attend the family
gathering without your spouse if he/she is uncomfortable
with it. Your spouse may not be easy to get along with but I
believe it will cause more damage to your marriage if he or
she feels you siding against them.
Each couple has to decide what they are okay with and
compromise so both can be satisfied. You may have to
visit her side of the family on Thanksgiving and his side on
Christmas or vice versa. Either way, I believe the holidays
are meant to bring families together and it’s nice for
couples to celebrate them together. If you have children,
this is a great time to create your own family traditions and
memories for them. Whatever you decide be considerate of
each other’s feelings. If you can help it, try not to separate
during the holidays.

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