•••••••
WHERE THERE S ' A WILL THERE S A WAY
My inter-personal relationships are in question !
•••
REV CAREL BOTMA
IN THE PREVIOUS ARTICLE WE TALKED ABOUT THE WAY IN WHICH STRESS CAN AFFECT YOUR SELF-ESTEEM AND HOW A LOW SELF-ESTEEM CAN ROB YOU FROM ENTERING INTO AND MAINTAINING MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS - IT CAN EVEN AFFECT YOUR EXISTING RELATIONSHIPS ! TODAY WE WILL LOOK AT THE IMPACT OF STRESS ON RELATIONSHIPS IN MORE DETAIL .
In Genesis 4:1 to 8 we read about the soil being stained red by the blood of a man . What makes this story so tragic is the fact that this man was killed by his own brother . With this murder , humanity experienced the first human relationship which went awry . But let ’ s move this tragedy into the background first before we take it further .
When a person is not happy in himself , he will also not be happy with what he achieves , what he owns or with the people in his life . He becomes discontented and dissatisfied with his life and with everything in his immediate environment . The grass on the other side of the fence looks greener and he starts to desire his neighbour ’ s house , wife , slave , cattle and donkeys and everything that belongs to him . The successes of others start to irritate him , because he is actually jealous thereof .
And jealousy can break down already poor relationships even further . Listen to what Ecclesiastes says in chapter 4:4 : “ And I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person ’ s envy of another .” In extreme forms it can lead to murder . As in the case of Cain and Abel ...
In addition to all these aspects , we need to bear one more aspect in mind , which is the the negative impact of the symptoms of stress on social or inter-personal relationships . These symptons include , inter alia , irritability , restlessness , emotional instability and depression . These symptoms do not only limit our ability to communicate sensibly , but it diminishes our ability to deal with frustrations . This in turn can result in emotional flare-ups .
Be honest and think carefully . How often does your wife , husband , children , colleagues or employees have to suffer for it ? Or perhaps God , the minister or the church ? Or your neighbour ?
To what extent have you become a stranger to them ? Do people still respect you , or is what you perceive as respect , actual fear from their side ?
I can understand that you have a lot of pent up anger and aggression and that a lot of this anger is aimed at yourself - because you no longer like yourself . It is understandable that one wants to get rid of it and that the people closest to you have to suffer for it .
But remember , people don ’ t always have the insight and ability to know how you feel inside . It is easier for them to withdraw from you , while you actually need their love and understanding . There is no need for you to proclaim , like Heman in Psalm 88 : “ You have caused my companions to shun me ..”
What am I saying ? Just this : stress does not only affect your self-esteem , it also affects your social relationships in a negative manner . So much so that you will no longer experience quality of life .
SENWES Scenario • FEB / MAR 2017 53