Photography : © Ben Duffy / Atlantic
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Then I saw something ahead : a rope trailing from the back of the tanker – my final lifeline . I managed to clasp the last few inches . I found myself being ruthlessly dragged through the water by the tanker , and fought to pull myself along . The crew spotted me and assisted in pulling me back towards the ladder . As I got closer , I was aware I would have to make a leap of faith . The waves were now submerging the ladder as they rose and fell , while the tanker shifted from side to side in the storm . I knew my moment to leap across would come as the ladder touched the water ’ s edge . I took a deep breath and threw myself towards it .
I made it . My grip was devastated by this point , so I knew I had to try and hook my legs into the ladder to secure myself . I had only a few seconds . The wave would soon fall and the tanker would rise out of the water , taking me with it . I used my last bit of strength to pull myself into the bottom step . And so , back to where this story began , with a confusing sense of safety dangling from a giant tanker . Slowly , Chris and I were pulled up and finally , actually , safe .
In the weeks and months that followed the fallout was painful and confusing . I suffered nightmares and significant self-pity – something I wasn ’ t proud of but realised was a necessary part of the coping process .
The most unshakeable emotion that emerged was a poisonous sense of failure . It forced me into an uncharted period of self-assessment . I realised I didn ’ t want to be defined by what had happened to me but instead by how I reacted to it .
So , I made the decision to take on the race again .
I recruited a new rowing partner , Dave Spelman , and worked night and day to get back to the start line of the 2017 race . To go back was the hardest choice I had ever made and the journey was filled with doubt and enormous fear . The nightmares continued . Just 24 hours before the race , I was considering if I had the strength to face the Atlantic again .
But I did . Exactly 37 days , 7 hours , 54 minutes later , Dave and I crossed the finish line in first place having set a new world record for the fastest pairs crossing of the Atlantic – our piece of sporting history and my personal redemption .
Max Thorpe ( OS 2011 )
Max is founder and managing director of Rogue Wave Scenarios , a resilience consulting firm focused on enabling individuals and teams to develop dynamic critical thinking and improve decision-making under pressure .
Find out more and contact Max at www . roguewavescenarios . com
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