Reuniting with our roots
Curmudgeon’s
Corner
IVAN RACONTEUR • EDITOR
There are ties we cannot see and similarities we cannot
explain until we see our relatives.
I recently attended a family reunion, the fi rst our clan has
had in ages.
We used to do that sort of thing more often. I think we
just got out of the habit after my grandmother and some of
the other relatives died.
In any case, the tradition was rekindled last month, and
even though I hadn’t seen some of those birds for a decade
or more, it was strangely familiar.
The location was new, but there was a sense of having
been down this road before.
We told the same old stories, but some of the younger
relatives were hearing them for the fi rst time. We also told a
few new stories, and it was pleasant to get to know the newer
additions to the family.
I couldn’t help noticing some family members are begin-
ning to look more like their predecessors. I’m not sure that
is much of a compliment in either direction.
I noticed too that members of the next generation were
taking over roles once handled by others. I was proud of
the way the young folks stepped in and carried on those
traditions.
As I watched the younger members my family, I was
struck by the fact that this is what my parents and their con-
temporaries must have looked like when they were young
and just starting out.
We tend to think of people as being a certain age, but of
course no one stays in one place for long. We are all being
pushed along the river of life by those who come behind.
Perhaps we think of our parents as being older, but they
were young once – fresh, uncertain, and full of life – just as
our grandparents were, and their parents before them.
We may not have known them when they were young,
and they may have grown up in different times and circum-
stances than we did, but attending a family reunion helps
one to understand that in many ways, we are like them and
they are like us.
One of the new pieces of family trivia I picked up during
the reunion concerns my uncles.
Five sets of aunts and uncles had the last of their children
at about the same time, all girls. I never thought much about
it at the time, but I suppose I assumed my uncles were all
about the same age, since they had daughters who were the
same age.
I learned during the reunion that there was a 19-year age
range among the fathers of those fi ve girls.
That is the kind of tidbit one doesn’t learn unless one
spends some time hanging out with family.
E-mail and social media can be good ways to keep in
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touch, but they are no substitute for sitting down with family
members over a cup of coffee or a beaker of some refreshing
adult beverage and talking about shared history.
This is especially important for young people.
Spending time with members of our extended family
brings us closer to our roots. It helps us understand ourselves
by giving us insight into the lives of our relatives.
These informal conversations can help us get to know
those who are alive now, and those who are no longer with
us.
We looked at a lot of old photos during the reunion, and
discussing them together made those faded images come
alive.
We all have a basic need to be part of something larger
than ourselves, and spending time with our family helps to
accomplish that.
It doesn’t take long for us to realize whatever we are go-
ing through, our predecessors probably went through simi-
lar things.
The more we learn about our families, the more we un-
derstand how our family has infl uenced our own lives, even
if we were unaware of these infl uences at the time.
It is natural for us to want to know where we came from,
and who our ancestors were.
Most families include a few odd ducks, and some have
more than their share. There may be times when we are
not sure we want to be associated with such an eccentric
bunch.
At other times, though, we probably feel we are lucky to
be part of the group.
If one takes a moment to listen to the good-natured kid-
ding that goes on at a family gather-
ing, one may get a sense that it is
special.
We might give each other the
business, but at the end of the day, we
know whatever happens, our family
will still be our family.
We can’t escape our relatives. The
bonds that tie us together run too
deep.
Our families help to make us who
we are, and, when things get rough,
and life blows up in our face, it is
likely our relatives will be the fi rst
ones there to help us pick up the
pieces.
Perhaps not everyone is so lucky,
but I think most families are like
that.
We understand our relatives and
they understand us, because of the
history we share. The rest of the
world may think we are freaks, but
our family understands, because
they are just as weird as we are. It’s
in our genes.
It is true we can’t pick our rela-
tives, but that’s OK. I’m fortunate to
have the ones I’ve got, and I wouldn’t
trade any of them.
They are strange birds, some of
them, but I am used to them. They
are comfortable, like an old T-shirt,
and I enjoy having them around.
Connections April 2019
9