Overcoming family tensions during the holidays
By Eli Parker
As the holidays draw nearer , we find ourselves preparing for one of the biggest challenges that comes with the season - and I ’ m not talking about the food and decorations . When families gather for the holidays , tensions often rise during them as well .
Brian Covert , the Chief Operating Officer at Resilience Counseling Services , vouches for this , saying , “ You ’ re staying several days with your family for the holidays , sometimes being cooped up in the same house can get on people ’ s nerves and be a little overbearing .”
He adds that while these annual family gatherings are technically not an obligation and can be avoided if absolutely necessary , going is still very much beneficial . It helps family members catch up , while reinforcing a “ good , strong family bond .”
Even though we love and care for our family , we still find ourselves getting frustrated with them at times . Parents bombard us with intrusive questions , such as “ When are you getting married ?” or “ When are we getting grandkids ?” Then there ’ s the relatives that try to start a debate over controversial subjects like religion or politics .
According to Covert , the best way to prevent any further escalation is by practicing mindfulness - ‘ thinking instead of reacting .’ When a family member says something upsetting , it ’ s best to avoid flying off the handle or snapping passive-aggressive comebacks . Doing so will only escalate things even more . It ’ s best to take a step back from the situation and take a deep breath . Try taking a break by excusing yourself to the restroom or going out for a short walk .
Another way to prevent conflict is by avoiding it in the first place . If a relative asks you a potentially controversial question , find a means to take yourself out of it . Covert adds that “ just because someone asks your opinion on something , it doesn ’ t mean you ’ re obligated to engage .”
If responding feels necessary , give vague responses like “ I don ’ t have an opinion on that .” Also , try redirecting the conversation to something more positive that everyone can agree on . Compliment the home you ’ re all in or the food you ’ re having during dinner .
Building your own support system is also helpful when tensions arise . “ We all have those family members we just don ’ t jive well with , but then there ’ s the other end of that spectrum ,” says Covert . Gravitate towards those family members that we have more in common with and can lean on when things start to go sour . Your support can even lie outside of your family . If you ’ re staying for a few days , try to take a break away from family by making plans with any friends that may be in the area - go out with them to grab a bite or watch a movie . When you ’ re ready , you can regroup back with your family .
Nonetheless , it ’ s safe to say that most of your holiday time will be spent around family . You may not have fun the whole time you ’ re with them , but don ’ t let a negative mindset keep you from enjoying the things you do like . Focus on the stuff that makes you happy around the holidays , even if they ’ re small . “ Even if it ’ s something as simple as the dessert ,” adds Covert . “ Everybody can look forward to dessert .”
November 2022 SEKY - Life in Southeast Kentucky • 35