In It Together
There is no end of topics that bear discussion . In a meeting shortly before Yom Kippur , one mother led a session about asking forgiveness , especially forgiveness from oneself . “ Many times , parents blame themselves for having a child with special needs , asking ‘ Are we being punished for something we did ?’ It was a great topic ,” says Zippi .
Zippi works with the parents of zeroto-three-year-olds , but there are other groups for parents of older children , where the parents maintain that sense of community and understanding . “ They can laugh about the same things and discuss the problems they share , and help each other . Where else can a parent find out which dentists are good with kids who can ’ t sit still , and which shoe stores understand our needs ?” Zippi asks .
“ I work in special education , and I ’ m a counselor ,” says Mia Drachman , mother of a teen in Seeach Sod . “ You might think I don ’ t need so much support . But I feel I ’ m always supporting others , and I ’ m so glad to have a place where others offer to support me . Every few weeks , we English-speaking Seeach Sod mothers get together in our own support group .
“ We have kids with different levels of disabilities and different ages , but it doesn ’ t matter . The support group offers us an opportunity to bond , and a chance to share and care . They pamper us , too . We have spa days a few times a year , with massages and swimming .
Even just one night away with the other mothers is tremendously refreshing and invigorating . I work three jobs , and it ’ s hard for me to fit more into my schedule , but sometimes I wrangle things to be sure I can get away , because I see how much it helps me .”
The different challenges that parents face don ’ t stop them from connecting ; the mix provides additional insight and encouragement . “ The mothers in my group have children with Down Syndrome , seizure disorders , holes in the heart , autism , and cerebral palsy ,” says Esti M . “ I expressed my aversion to the repeat surgeries that my child had to undergo , but another mother shared that she wished her child had a condition that doctors could fix . When I said how much I hate it when strangers stare at my child , another mother said she wished that her child ’ s condition would be obvious , so that strangers would understand why he was throwing himself on the ground and crying , even though he was much too old to behave that way .”
Respite Programs
For Rivka Finkel , a mother of two children with Down Syndrome , born a year apart , Seeach Sod ’ s respite programs are lifesavers . “ If there ’ s a family simchah , or we ’ re desperate for a Shabbos to focus on the other children , we bring Yoni and Meir to the respite care center . It ’ s a huge relief to know that they ’ re in good hands , with a staff that cares . That ’ s unbelievably precious to us .
“ These are very holy neshamos , who often talk about how they look forward to getting their tefillin , even though they ’ re only ten and eleven now . It ’ s wonderful that we can get a break ,
while they can stay in a place with the same standards for their behavior and the same values that we teach them at home . And they come back so happy , we can tell they were taken care of . It gives us the energy to keep going .”
Having a family member with special needs is hard for the other children in the family , so Seeach Sod offers help for them , too , with sibling support groups and family activity days during Chanukah and summer vacation . “ It ’ s good for them to see that there are other families with special needs children — it normalizes it ,” says Zippi , “ and it lets them know that having a special-needs sibling isn ’ t only a nuisance — it ’ s their ticket to fun .”
“ Baruch Hashem , my kids were born now , and not before Seeach Sod opened ,” says Rivka . “ The support they give is so perfect and so thorough , it ’ s hard to imagine what we would have done without them .”
24 Shvat 5782 | January 26 , 2022 11
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