Let he , she or they without sin cast the first stone . Whatever , Kirsty Andrews is casting with a vengeance as she names diving ’ s six deadly sins
KIRSTYANDREWS
The absolute worst
Let he , she or they without sin cast the first stone . Whatever , Kirsty Andrews is casting with a vengeance as she names diving ’ s six deadly sins
It ’ s the January edition , hitting your doorsteps around mid-December , so I thought this might be a fun seasonal time , with chatty get-togethers and Christmas parties leading neatly into a New Year , to air our pet peeves . So , let ’ s talk about the absolute worst diving behaviour , that really drives us up the wall and round the bend , destroys our festive cheer and fills us with Grinch-like grumpiness . Maybe leading to some behaviour-changing January resolutions , you never know . Hope springs eternal .
I ’ ll start . Bad buoyancy is an obvious place to begin . Careless finning or a general lack of control can damage marine habitats , destroy the visibility , or , I shudder to say it , mess up a photographer ’ s planned perfect photo . We all have our moments where it goes a bit wrong from time to time but in general I ’ d hope that ’ s the exception rather than the rule . No-one wants to be a farmer , ploughing through the seabed .
In a long diving career , I could quote so many instances of this : a memorable one being kicked in the head repeatedly by someone who was merrily finning along a metre above me in less than perfect conditions . Did the diver know I was there and was taking the opportunity to send a message ? Or did they not care whether it was me or the wreck they were thumping ? Names have been omitted to protect the guilty . Oh , and when it comes to marine damage , I haven ’ t even mentioned critter fiddling *: a crime so heinous I ’ m going to take it as read and move on .
“ We all have our moments where it goes a bit wrong "
Next up , let ’ s go for not being prepared and ready on time . I can definitely be guilty of this myself , I hold my hands up . There ’ s always one ( sometimes it ’ s me ) who rushes on to the boat with seconds to spare before ropes-off , in a tangle of regulator hoses , cylinders that may or may not be full and all necessary items thrown aboard somewhere , hopefully . They might cobble it together in time , but even so , needless stress has ensued . Time and tide wait for no man , or SCUBA columnist . Or maybe it ’ s the worthy folk who arrive early but just have to do a bit of kit fettling or fix the trailer or rewrite the risk assessment or catalogue the contents of the first aid kit before you can leave , and suddenly high tide has been and gone and it ’ s getting dark …
Back to in-water shenanigans . I ’ ll chuck a multitude of sins under the banner of poor communication . Maybe it ’ s Mr ( s ) Speedy who races off , heedless of the panting of their comparatively slowcoach partner , or Mr ( s ) Eagle-Eyed , who spends 59 minutes avidly counting the cerata ( the pointy bits ) on a sea slug while their buddy slowly freezes next to them . Perhaps it ’ s the blinkered buddy , who doesn ’ t respond to a single signal until they sidle up sheepishly holding up their contents gauge , worryingly in the red . Better communication and a little extra consideration would be beneficial here , I can ’ t help but feel .
What are your pet peeves ? Do you know someone who ’ s steadfastly refused to wash their undersuit since 1975 so as not to lose its thermal qualities , regardless of the offence caused to your nasal passages ? Or do you recognise yourself in some of these ? It ’ s never too late to change our ways .
* Critter fiddling . A term given to the physical manipulation of small animals by photographers or complicit guides , in order to improve the composition of a photo or to flush out an animal
that normally shelters out of sight . �
The identity of the human dredging machine was never revealed
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