‘From here to Eternity’
About growing old gracefully
By Flemming Winther Nielsen
The photo shows the author, Flemming Winther Nielsen, as a young, self-confident academic with his old father, Hermann Johannes
Winther Nielsen, who died in 1984. Flemming Winther Nielsen died on 21 January this year.
I
t is one of Fate’s cruel jokes that young people
cannot comprehend the life lived by us, the
older generation. They cannot understand our
inner life, our conditions, even if they take an
interest and try; the ‘generation gap’ it is often
called. This is the joke and the condition. Apparently a sort of invisible ring is cast around us; we
are inside, fundamentally alone. We are left to our
own personal struggle, hope and fear. Furthermore, what we learnt in life, our experiences, are
of no value in this so-called nuclear society where
everything changes with tremendous speed.
You may say that your children and grandchildren love you, yes, rightly so, but it is still my claim that
they don’t have a chance to understand what is going
on inside us. Our fear is not their fear; they are in the
bloom of their life, not nearing the end of the road.
The first consequence of this fact is maybe
grief and maybe isolation if we don’t act and react. We have to get used to standing alone and
defend our own positions from there. We can
never allow family and next of kin to try to diminish us as old fools who can neither see nor hear,
that is the direct route to dementia. But now, let
me give a few examples of what is on OUR mind,
our invariable peculiarities you might call them
with a little glint in the eye.
Our peculiarities
• For many of us not a day passes by without
grappling with the thoughts of our death. For us
this comes naturally, but it would not be natural
for a person in the bloom of his life. Meanwhile,
these thoughts are solemnly between us and His
18 ScandAsia.China • February 2014
Brightness – or His Darkness.
• We get acutely aware of our bodily functions,
alarmed and consulting the doctor on even minor signs of dysfunctions. We know that the final
blow will commonly be related to an illness and
we fear that. Our relatives will often regard this
behavior as hypochondria.
• Many of us get a little obsessed with our dress
and our smell, not a spot, no odor, the young
can dress as bums, we can absolutely not, and for
good reasons we prefer dark trousers.
• We try to hide our physical shortcomings, but
we prefer an upright dining table chair for the low
and deep ‘comfy’ chair offered. We walk slowly
and tell our companion that it is because we want
to look around, at flowers, birds and bees.
• One very sensitive issue is the decline of our
sexual capacity. In the blue hours, talking with
friends about this, we find the grief and the sorrow. It is difficult to cope with this loss and of
course we deeply envy the young couples we
meet on our way. Then many of us chose Viagra
as a way out, but that is a personal choice and
solution of course.
• Many of us experience that our possessions
lose their value and our appreciation, furniture,
even books, the maintenance of the house, we
are letting it decline with us. It is a strange to
observe that the elegant crystal carafe given to
you by a dear friend is now more or less without
value. I will give it away.
Will to win – born to lose
Today we all exercise, young and old, most useful
thing to do. The risk comes if you believe your current level of fitness will last; that you can maintain
your handicap; still win the matches, in tennis, still
score high. The decline will come, like a thief in the
night, slowly and almost invisible; we shouldn’t allow ourselves to be surprised by this fact.
A friend of mine and of my age, exercised early every morning with four friends. Then he suddenly found out that he couldn’t follow suit. Then
he simply dropped out disillusioned –or a victim of
his own illusion, that things will last – they never do.
It took him quite a while to get back on his feet.
To stand upright, centered and unbiased
If we don’t want to surrender ourselves to the
greasy hands of the public welfare system and the
nursing home, but will continue as long as possible as freedom fighters, we have to learn. Already the ancient Greeks and old Buddhism deal
with the eternal human problem: How to survive
with dignity in times of trouble. The Greek philosopher Zenon was the father of stoicism. From
this practical teaching we can learn a lot. Almost
interwoven we then have the Buddhist teaching. ($