Black Hole
Christie
to the old ways. It may have been family members or elementary schoolmates, or a speech
teacher who was appalled as I chose to become more involved with the Deaf World. “Come
back,” they yelled. “You don’t have to do that…you are not like them!” Finally, though, I
knew to look ahead.
As the ladder is shaken, the colors spill over. In slow motion, the paint can with the
black paint, overturns and spills into a huge black puddle near the bottom of the ladder.
The person who was shaking the ladder disappears into the black hole. This black hole
becomes a sinkhole causing the ladder to now slip further and further downward. At the
top of the ladder, she flails her arms and watches the sinkhole get closer and closer,
threatening to engulf her. What is this about? It makes me think about the Deaf World
existing as an oppressed group. Whereas the individual shaking the ladder presents a more
personal challenge, the black hole represents how hearing culture challenges us. Where
does this idea come from? For me, it is the majority hearing world which threatens to
“swallow up” the Deaf World. Whereas the Deaf World is a place of many colors for Deaf
people, the black hole represents a place that pulls us down, a place where there is only one
color—black—where we not only will not see colors, we will also be “in the dark.”
What is required when our world and ourselves are challenged in this way? It
becomes an opportunity for greatness. And the flailing of arms, magically transform into
the strong beating of wings. The person on the ladder rises up, flying skyward. As she flies
into her sky canvas, the paint colors smear her face. Her expression is one of rapture. What
does this mean? She becomes immersed in ASL and the Deaf World. It shows how self
and language become intimately entwined. As we all know, the devaluation of ASL feels
like a personal insult. The symbol of flying is a symbol of freedom. And here, she has been
freed of worldly roadblocks, such as experiences with discrimination.
For me, I take the meaning even further. Perhaps, it is because of the magic of
flying, because of the rapturous expression, or because of my own personal yearning for
something more. I see her as ascending to a higher, more spiritual path where her soul
expands. And this, this is where, and how, the power of the lives of Deaf people lead
beyond the community to personal, spiritual fulfillment. I know I am not there yet. Some
days I flail against the black hole, and other days, I imagine my feet just barely lifting off
the rungs of a ladder.
This poem tells more than the story of our journey to Deafhood. I believe the poem
Black Hole: Color ASL works karmatically; Deaf people who resist those who oppress the
Deaf World are promised freedom and spiritual reward. It tells us that this journey will be
filled with challenges; yet, we will rise above them. A poem by Maya Angelou states: “You
may shoot me with your words/you may cut me with your eyes/…but still, like air, I
rise…/Into a daybreak that is wondrously clear/…I rise.” Thus, the Deaf Experience
becomes universal. It becomes the experience of peoples of the past who have struggled
and found their way. It becomes a story of personal liberation being born out of a collective
life journey.
This writing first appeared in the online journal, Clerc Scar, in 2009. In the ten years that
have passed, there have been a number of powerful social movements which have led to
new approaches in the study of Deaf peoples’ histories and lives. I wrote this personal
response as a cis, white, academic, Deaf feminist who has since begun to unpack my own
SASLJ, Vol. 2, No. 2 – Fall/Winter 2018
84