What Does Berena Mean To Me ?
I muse . I am a 50-something professional woman , who left her marriage to a man , and now lives as an out lesbian with her girlfriend of 11 years . What could Berena possibly mean to me ?
It means everything . On the small screen , week in week out , two incredible actresses are telling my story . They are mature . They are professional . They have lived straight histories . They are falling in love with each other . In living rooms everywhere people are seeing this is not just possible but this is wonderful . They are recognising my desire .
Representation matters . I feel validated . I feel I have been given permission to express my true self . People will no longer view my choices as second best .
I feel erotically empowered . I feel liberated .
I discover # Berena on twitter . I discover a whole community of women , of all ages , all backgrounds , from across the world , who share my elation and excitement . I discover a community with whom I can swoon and tease . I discover a community which cares . We are fragile , we are insecure , we have anxiety , we are closeted , we are out , we are unsure , we are awakening , we are starting out on life , we are looking back on it . We help and guide each other . We respect each other ’ s journeys . We do not judge . And when life , real life , becomes too much , we reach out to each other with unconditional support . We become friends , even lovers .
I discover Berena fan fiction . I read it . Devour it . It lives in my head in between the scenes that play out on my screen . It energises my imagination . I write it . I find I love to write it . At last I am able to be creative again .
Berena matters . It matters more than it should . It becomes disproportionally important to me . An obsession . The rules of drama require that there must be angst . There must be heart break . I live in fear of it breaking . I rake through every mention for signs . It is starting to hurt . I know it is pretend . But I need it to be ok . I need their love , my love , to last . Logic tells me actors of this calibre move on . But my heart will actually break if their love ends . I bargain with the gods …. a long distance relationship where we don ’ t even see one of them is fine , just don ’ t break them up …..
So what does Berena mean to me ? You tell me . Z . S .