Brotherhood , Fraternity , Belonging
By David O ’ Halloran
“ What is belonging ? … Where loneliness ends .” 1
A
sense of belonging , a sense of connection to something greater than oneself — the essence of brotherhood — is essential to a boy . At Saint David ’ s , this sense of connection , of fraternity , is something we not only encourage but also cultivate , foster , and integrate into all we do . Our mission identifies Saint David ’ s as “ a true community known for its sense of family , compassion , and kindness .” We believe it is this development of compassion , kindness , and sense of family that builds the bonds of brotherhood and establishes a sense of connection and belonging among all our boys regardless of where they ’ ve come from , what they believe , or their family circumstances . “ That they be good men ,” the aspiration of our founders and the school ’ s motto , is not the province of one individual ; but rather a whole-of-school commitment to every boy ’ s well-being .
Merriam Webster defines brotherhood as “ a fellowship , an alliance , an association ,” and to an extent , it is . However , to fully appreciate brotherhood we have to go deeper than any dictionary ’ s literal meaning to a more abstract understanding of the idea or the “ ideal ” behind the word . In this way , we can view true brotherhood as a sense of fraternity , of kinship . It connotes a familial connection and commonality of purpose where the bond is even greater than blood .
Boys have an innate desire to bond , to tribe , and we know that they achieve this through shared experiences . “ Clubs , fraternities , nations ,” E . B . White tells us in One Man ’ s Meat 2 , “ are the beloved barriers in the way of a workable world .” In order to build a true brotherhood , he says , notions of alliance and association , of ‘ the club ’ and ‘ the tribe ’ “ have to surrender some of their rights and some of their ribs ... ‘ Fraternity ,’ in this popular sense , is the antithesis of fraternity .” A ‘ Fraternity ’— a club , tribe , or association ( think college fraternity )— is often predicated on the idea of exclusion ; whereas the fraternity that Saint David ’ s wants its boys to aspire to , the one that helps them characterize a ‘ good man ,’ is of a brotherhood defined by compassion and kindness . This more abstract notion of fraternity views it as a feeling of equality between and among the boys that extends to others beyond their school and lived experiences .
In Golding ’ s Lord of the Flies 3 , a work boys study at Saint David ’ s , we can usefully explore this idea of brotherhood , belonging , and fraternity , by relating it to the way a group of boys become sharply divided in terms of what they believe and value while
4 • Saint David ’ s Magazine