SAAA April 2020 Special Edition Residence Magazine APR_2020_DIGITAL_Magazine | Page 23

of us,” Dr. Lerner says, “which leads to
a lack of recognition that humans are
more alike than different.”
While we can’t fully eradicate our fears,
“we can work to understand how anxiety
operates and how it affects us — for bet-
ter and for worse.” Anxiety, she explains,
can be useful when it signals a problem
and motivates us to unite to solve it. “If
we make a deliberate effort to hold on to
our humanity, it can bring us together.”
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Now is the time to turn toward each
other. “We are here to help each other
out,” Dr. Lerner reminds us, “so avoid
being a do-it-yourselfer when you’re not
qualified. Grab some other clear-thinking
person to ask what she thinks or what he
would do about stockpiling food, or tak-
ing that plane trip, or talking to little Billy
about what’s going on with grandma in
the hospital and his school being closed.
You may choose not to follow the advice
you seek, but it’s essential to have other
perspectives.”
Don’t procrastinate about preparing for
the worst.
Anxiety, Dr. Lerner says, can push us
to under- or overreact: “So we either
engage in compulsive hand washing or
we do the opposite and act like the germ
theory doesn’t apply to us.” And this anx-
iety, she says, will mount if we postpone
or ignore expert counsel: “Passivity and
inaction will make fear grow.” So, instead
of giving up and saying, “I can’t keep my
hands off my face,” Dr. Lerner suggests
we trust our capacity to make neces-
sary changes, recognize where we have
agency and take common sense, precau-
tionary measures now. “If you haven’t
done your best to get a couple of extra
weeks’ supply of food or medication, do
it today. If you feel frozen, ask a buddy to
push you to act and help you make wise
decisions about how much you need of
what.”
Connect, connect, connect.
Social distancing and mandates to
shelter in place may require us to stay
in our homes, but that doesn’t mean
we have to isolate. “It’s essential to stay
in communication with family, friends,
neighbors and other resources,” Dr.
Lerner says, “and find ways to keep calm.
Use the phone, text, email — all means
possible — to stay connected to friends,
neighbors, your adult children, anyone
who matters to you. Especially those
who induce a sense of calm rather than
chaos. People need to hear your voice —
and vice versa.”
Practice self-compassion.
This moment calls on us to not only care
for others but to also be gentle with
ourselves. “Anxiety and fear,” Dr. Lerner
reminds us, “are physiological process-
es that cavort and careen through our
bodies and make us miserable. They will
subside, only to return again; they will
arrive uninvited for as long as we live. So
don’t be hard on yourself when you can’t
shut yourself off from fear and pain —
your own and the world’s. Fear isn’t fun,
but it signals that we are fully human.”
Don’t skip the self-care.
“Everything that goes under the umbrel-
la of ‘self-care’ is essential right now,”
Dr. Lerner says. Slow down, engage
in healthy practices and try to sustain
regular routines that bring comfort and
stability. Therapy, conversation, exercise,
yoga, meditation and religious and spir-
itual practices are good starting points,
but she suggests also considering the
healing impacts of making art, singing,
journaling and being useful to others.
“While we can’t drive fear off with a big
stick, we can learn ways to calm our-
selves down and find a little peace of
mind. Action is powerful, even if we start
with just one thing.”
Don’t let fear and anxiety become pan-
demics, too.
In these stressful times, it’s important to
try to manage our own anxiety and do
our best not to pass it on to others. But
most important, Dr. Lerner says,
“we should not let fear lead us into iso-
lation or stop us from acting with clarity,
compassion and courage. Terrible things
happen, but it is still possible to move
forward with love and hope.”
Simran Sethi is a freelance journalist ex-
ploring culture and connection. Her work
has appeared in Guernica, The Guardian
and The Wall Street Journal. You can
follow her on Instagram and Twitter
@simransethi.
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