Rumination Fugue Publication Rumination Fugue Publication | Page 25

At the initial stage, Rose sought for help, which is smartly and bravely done, but failed in relying on others just as I did, too. Showing one’s weakness to others can be ashamed, and the truth is we don’t usually receive the assistance that we expect. When I first felt isolated in the school, which is a place that I used to think as warm and solace- ful, all I need was simply someone to talk to. After several months I’ve found a just appropriate way to describe that desperation: “While I was trying hard on the highway road, running, there were stones hitting my toes. People around are pulling me hard, thinking that’s what they should be done justice, but isn’t the urgency of the moment is taking me to hospital and stopping the bad bleeding?” On the path of saving ourselves, it is surprised that we all tend to hesitate, especially when the trouble you are in is not understood by or familiar for others. Even though we try to believe that people are devoted to heart, it is true that people concern themselves more and are afraid of being involved in right-or-wrong sensitive issues. People lose trust easily after they are untrust- ed or ignored. Teenagers evaluate their credibility even more than sincerity nowadays and are scared of losing track in their social circles. To follow up everything that is going on, they’d rather sacrifice the real feelings, opinions, or even pains. That is the reason that most teenagers are very likely to give up asking for help—instead of taking the risk of being gossiped on around, they choose to stay silent and bear it by themselves. Rose has her brother Joseph, and I have my younger sister Kooki—they are both mysteries. Joseph is a science genius, and Kooki is a reassuring, outstanding student. Loving my sister is like how Rose loves her brother, “but relying on him[her] was like closing a hand around air” (Bender, 87). Although I never attempt to “rely” on her, she always makes me feel distant and inferior. She is always calm in dealing with daily issues and never behaves like she needs me or any intimacy. I suppose it is their common personality that shapes them into people that seem alienated and gives others a sense of unapproachability. I saw my sister’s eagerness for success in Joseph—they both sulk when things don’t work out as they expected. Love and suffering are embodied here—instead of loving someone, they are deeply attached with their dream and ambi- tion. The smoothest and strongest people in their daily social circle have developed a high self-awareness and placed higher standards and anticipations on themselves, which gradually leave them with a neutral superiority upon their peers. However, as a result, they would have stressed frustration when they fail to meet their expectations, and even sulk for a long time.