Rumination Fugue Publication Rumination Fugue Publication | Page 15

While I read the above chapter once again, I found that things were not as simple as they were described. Many special thoughts that I didn’t notice before arouse. I realized that Woolf was implying about the changing things in a time flow. First, I asked myself, did the Ramsays really eager to visit the Lighthouse? The answer I came up with was NO. The Lighthouse was a container for their good imagina- tions, while visiting it was the most direct and realistic way to destroy it. In the Ramsays’ spiritual world, the Lighthouse was their sun, their moon, their most beautiful flowers, their always fading dream, and their only hope. Since the Lighthouse was distant enough from them, it seemed reasonable to add those fantastic implied meanings on it, and they believed that all troubles they met in the reality could be solved simply by the action of “visiting the Lighthouse”. But was that possible? If the real Lighthouse was totally differ- ent from their imagination, they could no longer use it as their spiritual container. Moreo- ver, what should they do after visiting the Lighthouse? If a person had already finished his life goal, what else could motivate him? The only solution was to find another objective, which was a solution that would never be chosen by the Ramsays due to their pursuit of stable things. The Ramsays hated changing, and they would rather regard “visiting the Lighthouse” as their lifelong goal while never actually setting out the journey. The second discovery about the story was the unconsciousness of time flow. If the Ramsays were unwilling to visit the Lighthouse, that might explain why they were putting off the plan everyday—the bad weather might be one of the reasons, but a determined heart could definitely defeat this obstacle. Once again, the Ramsays promised to visit the Lighthouse tomorrow, but then tomorrow became the day after tomorrow, and became the day after the day after tomorrow. Hopelessly, the wind was blowing for ten years. Time passed, children grew up, Mrs. Ramsay died, and the weather never got better. It was a pity that I saw myself in the story. Every time when the Ramsays’ were preparing for the never-coming visit, I saw myself doing the same thing. Every night I told myself that things would be different tomorrow, and I would take actions for things I embraced in the brand-new day. However, instead of becoming an encouragement, this was more like a ridiculous comfort for the emptiness in previous days. The tomorrow never came. It was absurd that I continued to waste the “brand-new days” to do the old repetitive thing—which was nothing. I became the Ramsays, hopelessly waiting and pursuing for the never-coming tomorrow.