Every year at SXSW, there’s one band that people can’t seem to stop raving about,
one band that everyone agrees must be seen. This year, that band happened to
be from Northern Ireland and to have broken up thirty years ago. We were lucky
enough to meet up with Protex shortly before one of their fantastic SXSW sets.
--Miranda Fisher
Yo Wes - Ever since my bandmate came back from
tour with his other band he seems a lot softer and less
motivated. He keeps moaning about wanting his songs
to “mean something” and the other day I heard him
babbling about “the crying butterflies.” I think it’s time
for him to go, but the rest of the guys in the band think
he deserves another chance. What should I do? -No
Love for Sissies
Dear No Love For Sissies, take him to the sissy zoo and
tell him thats where he belongs. Pee on his face when he
passed out on booze. If he drinks. I like butterflies though.
Cute creatures.
Dear Wes - It’s really hard for me to open up to
someone about something so private, but I feel like I
can trust you. The other night my girlfriend and I had
gone to sleep after I what I thought was decent sex.
However, around 4am I was awoken to the sound of
her pleasuring herself with a vibrator while still lying
next to me. I felt really awkward so I brought it up to
her the next day, but she just tried to shrug it off. Now
I’m concerned that I’m not satisfying her and she is at
risk to cheat on me. Am I being insecure, or do I have
something to worry about? -R.S.
Dear R.S., when that happens, get up and go to the couch.
Turn on some VH1 Classics. Make her concerned that you
like watching tv in the middle of the night. If she cares.
Then explain to her that vibrators are gross and freak
you out. But makes you crave some late night VH1. Do
this twice. That’s all it takes. Love is a triangle, requires
different strokes.
Wes - My pops is on Facebook and it kind of bums
me out. He’s always posting embarrassing shit and
commenting on EVERYTHING I post. I want to unfriend
him, but some of my friends think that’s harsh. What’s
your take? -Social Media Son
Dear Social Media Son, let your dad do whatever he wants.
Facebook is out of control you can’t stop it. But you can post
stupid shit on his Facebook too... like “my dad smells like my
ding dong” or whatever works. Ughh, dad take over is hard
war. Good luck.
Dear Wes - Most the time my homeboy is a pretty cool
guy. Except for when he drinks. Lately, he’s bee