My girlfriend’s pregnant, but I’m not
sure it’s mine. Is there a way that I
can ask without being a dick?
...Uhmmmm all I can say is you’re a
dick for thinking that. She loves you
and would never cheat on you! So
when she has the one eyed, one horned,
purple people eater baby. Ask her
vagina to look in a mirror. Respectively.
Unless you’re Sheb Wooley’s son.
How can I get my friend to stop
wearing bowties? They look stupid.
Have him/her jerk off in bowl of
Frosted Flakes and pour it on his head
and point at him and say “stupid bow
tie.”
What’s with all these coke heads?
“People/Socialites” are bored and have
ADD. It’s a bad thing that can make
your pinky weird. I don’t
recommend it to anyone. It keeps
Latin countries rich. Bullshit.
I like Taco Cabana though!
I can always hear my
roommate having sex, which
whatever, but the other day
she yelled MY NAME! What
the fuck! What do I say to
her???
Get a bullhorn, and next
time it happens use and
say these words “Your
mom’s on the phone.”
Thin walls are
annoying!!
Can I make my grandma stop
being so racist?
Grandma racist is ok. She will die soon
and have sex with beautiful black
demons in her own bliss “heaven.”
Maybe she should watch more
Richard Pryor...he’s my favorite of
all time.
P.S. Have you seen the Louis CK
episode about that. Pretty
right on.
Why won’t my friends ever
come to my poetry slams?
Because they are a little
weird. I’ve read poetry out
loud and I felt nervous
and a bit dorky. I love
poetry, don’t get me
wrong...but to be on a
microphone! Poetry
slam politics...into the
void.
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