5) Taking Critical Feedback.
This one stings sometimes, but
it’s important. Learning to hear
criticism without turning your
back to it can be one of the most
fortifying achievements of your
career.
Think of critical feedback as a
cheat sheet. In giving you direct
feedback,
your
manager
or
colleague is giving you a shortcut
-- your own personal konami code
-- to becoming better at your job.
Sometimes, even with the best
intentions, taking feedback well
can be a struggle. Your impulse
will be to protect yourself; to get
defensive, or stop listening. So, be
conscious of it. Much like accepting
a compliment, take a breath when
you realize critical feedback is
coming your way. Listen to it all
without interruption. Write down
what you can. Then, ask questions
to make sure you’re interpreting it
right.
6) Giving Critical Feedback.
The only thing worse than taking
critical feedback is giving it. I’ve
written about this before: Whether
you’re a manager or a friend,
feedback is an opportunity to help
someone get better. Don’t waste
it. Good coaches give feedback
directly and with respect. Don’t try
to soften the blow or talk around
the feedback. Doing so may make
you feel better but it will only serve
to confuse them.
If you’re struggling to be direct, try
one clear line followed by detail. For
example, “John, what you’re doing
isn’t working. Let’s talk through
why...”
In addition, feedback is always
most constructive if accompanied
by recent concrete examples.
Telling someone they have a bad
attitude isn’t helpful -- it’s far
better to point to a precise moment
in which that bad attitude showed
up, and then explain how moments
like that can become detrimental
in aggregate. Ultimately, knowing
how to improve is as important as
knowing what to improve.
The person receiving the feedback
should leave the conversation
feeling empowered to change, not
broken down. Make the time.
Treat exercise like you treat
showering. It’s just something you
do; a non-negotiable daily ritual.
7) Fighting through Conflict. Get over it.
I used to hear about “runners’
highs,” a sort of delusion that sets
in after you’ve done it enough that
actually makes you believe jogging
is fun. That may be the case for
some people. It never happened
for me, and wanting to like running
made it easy to give up when I
ultimately didn’t. Du Bois’ advice
is worth hearing again here: “Make
yourself do unpleasant things, so
as to gain the upper hand of your
soul.”
You
know
what’s
more
uncomfortable
than
fighting
through a conflict with someone?
Settling
for
an
uninspired
compromise, and then gossiping
about that person over drinks with
your coworkers. That’s WAY more
comfortable than conflict. (Not to
mention, way less productive.)
There are two ways conflict
negotiations get botched: Either
one side gives in too easily, or
both sides are too inflexible to
make resolution possible. The
cleanest way through conflict is to
try to discover what’s motivating
the other person. Comment trolls
aside, it’s pretty rare for someone
to be argumentative for no good
reason. Discovering the reason
will help you find a better route
to solving the conflict. That’s why
your best asset in settling conflict
is a collection of genuine questions
and a patient ear to hear the
answers.
8) Exercising.
I keep waiting for the study that
says that exercise isn’t all its
cracked up to be. It’s fair to say
that study isn’t coming. Not only
is exercise good for your physical
health, the ties between exercise
and mental capacity are becoming
undeniable. (Thanks, science.)
If you like working out, skip right
ahead. If you don’t, here are the
only things I’ve found to work.
Find your reason.
Maybe you want to lose weight.
Maybe it helps you think more
clearly. Maybe you have three kids,
a constantly buzzing phone, and a
dog all demanding your attention
and exercise is your only chance
to be alone. The reasons don’t
matter. Just find the one that feels
authentic for you and use it.
Find your genre.
The softer alternative to the above
point is to find the exercise format
that you hate least. If a crowded
gym makes you want to run for
the hills, then work out at home
or outside on your own. If you
find jogging boring, join a class
or sports league. Work at it -- it’s
worth it.
9) Unplugging.
I
love
the
internet.
And
smartphones? They’re like personal
escape hatches that you carry with
you all the time. But maybe “all the
time” is not such a good idea.
According to a TIME poll of
more than 5,000 people, 84% of
respondents said that they could
not go a single day without their
cell phones, and 20% said they
check them once or more every
20 minutes.
It’s not the frequency of usage
that’s the problem; it’s what that
level of usage does to our focus.
Using our smartphones at night
can make it a lot harder to sleep.
When we use our smartphones
nonstop it can be harder to think
clearly.
So, here’s an experiment. For two
weeks, set aside some screen free
time blocks in your day. During that
time fight the urge to open your
laptop, watch TV, or glance at your
phone. Sustain it for 60 minutes
or more and see if you’ve gained
better focus at the conclusion of
the experiment.
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Then, go find some cat videos on YouTube to celebrate.
10) Networking and Making Small Talk.
Everyone has a small-talk formula. Some people start with the weather (nice, mild winter
we’re having, eh?), while others ask how things are going with you at work.
If someone asks you how work is, don’t say “fine” -- or worse, “busy.” Tell them it’s
good and follow up with, “You know, there’s one project in particular that you may find
interesting.” If you’re doing the asking, take any opportunity to dive deeper. Use each
question as a spring board to the next one. Eventually, you’ll hit on something substantial.
11) Admitting a Mistake.
You know that moment right after you realize you’ve accidentally made a mistake? You
know, that moment when the dread plummets into your stomach in one sweeping motion?
Uncomfortable doesn’t even begin to describe it.
However, even that can be turned around. The most effective way to replace that sinking
feeling in your gut is to assess the situation and take action. Ask yourself:
Is it immediately reversible?
On my last blog post, I had a glaring typo. This was not some extra spacing after a period,
this was a blatant blemish smack in the middle of my post. And I missed it. Thankfully
Claire Autruong caught it and let me know via Twitter so I could edit the post before it
was too late. Claire is my favorite person of the week. (Incidentally, she is also a full-stack
freelance marketer -- inbound certified and nice as can be -- if you’re looking.)
Who should know?
Whom does your mistake affect? Who is in the position who can help you solve it? Quickly
scan the list of people that need to know about your mistake and contact them explaining
what happened and what you’re doing about it.
What’s your plan?
If the mistake isn’t immediately reversible, you’ll need a plan of action. A good plan is the
best antidote to mistake-induced discomfort. Shift from panic to determination as soon
as possible, and that discomfort will subside.
12) Getting in Over Your Head.
Of all the uncomfortable moments, getting in over your head is probably the one most
worth pursuing. Sure, it’s a little scary , and there’s always the chance of failure, but
nothing stretches you more or makes you more creative than having no idea what you’re
doing.
So how do you put yourself in an over-your-head style situation? Raise your hand. When
there’s a project no one wants, step up. When there’s a problem that has existed for
years, have at it. Then break it down. Take big challenges and tackle them piece by piece.
It may not always be fun, but you will almost always be better for the effort.
13) Disagreeing With Your Boss.
There’s a reason my boss is my boss. He’s really freaking smart. He’s exceptionally good
at what he does. So in the times I find myself disagreeing with him there are usually a few
moments of internal back and forth before I’m ready to say so aloud. But I do so because
I’ve learned that staying quiet is more damaging than polite.
It took me becoming a manager myself to realize how constructive disagreement can
be. A perspective that is never tested grows shallow. Sometimes a dissenting opinion
will make you reconsider. Sometimes it will make your stance stronger. Either way, the
exercise of hearing different angles advances your thinking and improves your outcomes.
So spit it out. “I disagree on that point.” If that feels too direct consider framing it as a
question. “What about a different approach?” Most importantly, don’t save up for a
major disagreement.
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