But that doesn’t explain why
people who are genuinely proud of
themselves still balk at hearing that
same praise from others. For those
people, it often comes down to a
learned-response. In other words,
you are awkward when you receive
compliments because I am awkward
when I receive compliments -- or,
if not me, then your mom; your
co-workers; your icons. We’re all
making each other squirm.
15 Uncomfortable Things
That Will Make You More
Successful.
One way to turn that discomfort
on its head is to realize that the
compliment has more to do with
the person giving it than with you.
“When someone is complimenting
you, they are sharing how your
actions or behaviors impacted
them,”
explains
Business
Psychologist Mark Goulston. “They
are not asking if you agree.” So
don’t rob them of that moment.
“
Promoting an achievement can galvanize others to bring their ideas to it
and ensure future efforts learn from it. And yes, it can get you noticed.
I n a truly beautiful letter to his
daughter Yolande, Sociologist
W.E.B. Du Bois extolled the virtues
of being uncomfortable. Yolande
was headed to a new school
halfway around the world from
the neighborhood and people she
knew. It was years before women
had the right to vote, and decades
before the Civil Rights Movement.
Du Bois knew she would have
more than a few fish-out-of-water
moments. Instead of trying to
shield her from them, he asked her
to revel in them:
Don’t shrink from new experiences
and custom. Take the cold bath
bravely. Enter into the spirit of your
big bed-room. Enjoy what is and
not pine for what is not. Read some
good, heavy, serious books just for
discipline: Take yourself in hand
and master yourself. Make yourself
do unpleasant things, so as to gain
the upper hand of your soul. Above
all remember: your father loves you
and believes in you and expects
you to be a wonderful woman.”
I am no W.E.B. Du Bois. I have
neither his fortitude nor his
stunning way with words. What I
do have, however, is a small history
of uncomfortable experiences
that have made me stronger, and
an endless sea of animated GIFs
through which to illustrate those
experiences.
Here are a handful of uncomfortable
situations in which you should take
De Bois’ advice and “Take the cold
bath bravely.” You’ll be better off as
a result. Brace yourself. It’s about
to get awkward.
1. Learning to Take a Compliment.
Tell me if this sounds familiar: You
work exceedingly hard. You’ve
honed your skills. You know when
you’ve done great work and take
a quiet pride in it. And yet, the
moment someone verbalizes it in
the form of a compliment you can’t
seem to string two words together.
Instead, you revert into one of the
following:
•
•
•
“
The babbling-response.
The self-deprecating response.
The
total
and
complete
blackout.
That nonsense has to stop. Here’s
how to take a compliment:
1. Realize that someone is paying
you a compliment.
2. Let them finish.
3. Seriously, let them finish.
4. Take a breath.
5. Smile and say “Thank you.
That’s really good to hear.”
6. Move on in the conversation.
Don’t
over-explain.
Don’t
undercut yourself. Just thank
them sincerely and move on
with a question about how their
work is going.
2) Public Speaking.
You knew this one was coming,
right? Fear of public speaking is
so common it has its own phobia
name: Glossophobia.
Now, I don’t think I need to go into
the reasons behind this particular
juggernaut of discomfort. We’ve
all been there. Having that many
eyes and ears on you is stressful.
It makes you feel as though any
mistake or imperfection will be
amplified a thousand times. I’m also
certain you realize how compelling
a good public speaker can be, and
how much it can advance your
ability to lead and inspire.
So all that leaves is the classic
glossophobia question: How do you
get over it? The answer is a mix of
substantial and superficial changes.
Know the essential points.
Do not attempt to memorize your
speeches. Instead, memorize your key
points and your pivot lines. Pivot lines
are the sentences that will move you
from one key point to another. They
act as navigational guides for your
audience and a momentary comfort
zone for you. Use these pivot lines to
reset, take a breath, and move to your
next key point.
Understand that everyone wants you
to succeed.
You are not going into battle. You
are not facing a firing squad. These
people you are talking to are all decent,
interested folks. Many of whom also
suffer from glossophobia. So know
they are friendly, and talk to them like
it.
Fake it.
For this last point, I turn to Harvard
Associate Professor Amy Cuddy. She
is a brilliant researcher and a self-
proclaimed introvert who noticed
something fascinatingly simple about
skilled public speakers: They all looked
comfortable, and they all appeared
to be in command -- even if that
appearance was all a big ruse.
So she studied what happens to
people’s mindset when they stood
up straight, casually used the space
around them, and otherwise “power-
posed.” Turns out the physical act
of power-posing can send biological
triggers to your brain to reduce cortisol
levels and increase testosterone,
calming you down and empowering you
simultaneously.
3) Working With Data.
If you don’t take to math easily, then
delving into data can be intimidating.
But learning to use data to find
opportunities and underscore your
points is a game-changer in your
career.
The trick to mastering data is to learn
it in context. Start by getting to know
the core metrics that reflect your work.
Play with spreadsheets at the close of a
month. Learn to recognize trends. Alter
the data to see how moving one metric
would influence the others. The more
time you spend with the data the more
natural interpreting it will become.
It’s exhausting, this modern life. While
it may seem like you should squeeze
as many extra minutes of sleep out of
the morning as possible, the opposite
is usually true. Your energy, focus and
mental capacity are at their highest
during the morning hours and proceed
to wane throughout the rest of the day.
Take advantage of that time before
breakfast when the chaos of the day
has yet to set in. For most people,
waking up early is a learned practice.
First, make sure you’re cognizant
enough to make the decision. Putting
your alarm clock right next to your
pillow is bound to result in you hitting
snooze from a dazed state. You can’t
be expected to make smart choices
while you’re still dreaming. In addition,
waking up early needs to become a
pleasant experience. So if the thought
of going straight from your warm bed
to a shower or treadmill seems abrupt,
then don’t do it. Instead, move from
your bed to the cozy corner chair in
your living room and read for a bit with
a mug of coffee. What you do early on
doesn’t matter, what matters is that
you use the time in productive ways.
Why is this so hard? According to a
study by Acknowledgment Works,
nearly 70% of people associate
embarrassment or discomfort with
the process of being recognized.
Sometimes, this response is
caused by the dissonance we feel
when someone contradicts our
own self-doubt.
ROTAMIRROR Holiday Issue 2018
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ROTAMIRROR Holiday Issue 2018
7