The Truth
"Lately, many people have expressed their sympathies about my lady’s tragic suicide, saying how hard it was for them when people close to them suddenly died. However, I would like to use this opportunity to reassure all of you that my lady never committed suicide, she died of a lingering illness which is equally as tragic. I realized after she passed that I am grateful to have spent so much time with her during this last chapter of her life, waiting at her bedside every day and being able to see that she can still live 1 more day. When she was in good condition, she and I would spend hours talking about everything we could, as if we were making up for lost time.
Sometimes we started out by talking about life at her childhood home with the greatest man, Cato, in charge, and she would end up telling me everything about her Stoic philosophy, teaching me self-control to overcome my destructive emotions. After some time passed, I converted to Stoicism and we work together to try improve our spiritual state. Before the assassination of Caesar, Portia was especially stressed out and struggled to be rid of her emotions. During that time we tried to work harder together and got even closer.
When someone you love passes away, there is a strong temptation to remember them perhaps a little too well. Misdeeds are forgotten. Offenses are forgiven. Only the most shining characteristics of our loved ones make it into the version of them that we keep with us when they depart. My lady’s only fault was in leaving behind a husband who loved her very much and a household which cared for her."
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Portia's Funeral: an Eulogy
A lot of people was misled by a majority of contemporary historians into believing that Portia committed suicide by swallowing burning charcoal. However this method is scientifically illogical and therefore is invalid. How did she die then?
Below is an eulogy by her maid at Portia’s funeral, which may give us an insight to the truth behind all the different versions of rumors, it may also give us a good idea about Portia.
"She was the first of all female aristocrats to be loved by all her servants. She herself only had one maid directly under her, and I love her with all my heart. All the servants in Brutus’ household love her as much, as everyone of us had our downtimes and was cared by Portia. She would walk up to anyone she saw that had something in their hearts, ask them to stop all their work and chat with her. She was a really good counsellor, always knowing what to say. Even though she had so many servants to look after while maintaining her authority as the woman of the household, we had no doubt that our lady loved us as much as humanly possible, as if we were her kids. No matter what else she was doing, she went out of her way to spend one-on-one time with each of us.
The best thing that she has left behind for us is her example. Most people who knew her would be surprised to learn that she struggled with apprehension and depression towards the end of her life, starting from days before Caesar’s assassination. When we chat, she detailed the feelings of doubt and worthlessness that plagued her in every aspect of her life. She was worried for Brutus and yet she felt like there was nothing she could do as a powerless woman. She felt the obligation to worry with Brutus but it was really hard on her, unable to let anything out (as she promised Brutus) and having to let her anxiety eat her up inside. Even at home where everyone loves her and she was more than safe, her sensitivity and anxiety would sometimes get the better of her. Although it was a frequent occurrence, I was always saddened by seeing my lady cry and suffer.
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