FOSTERING COLLABORATION EMPATHY & SUCCESS
In the seventh hour of the hostage negotiation, the team psychologist leaned over and delivered a chilling message.
It was a realization that we all knew deep down but were reluctant to confront. For seven long hours, we had been listening to the suspect ' s demands, but our own fear of loss – the dread of the worst-case scenario – had clouded our ability to truly hear and acknowledge his underlying motivation.
As hostage negotiators, we are trained to listen at the highest level, to understand the real reasons … motivations behind driving the hostage taker ' s actions and vision. However, in this intense standoff, our own emotions and biases had created a barrier to effective listening. One of the Laws of Negotiation Gravity™is that fear of loss is the single biggest driver of human decision-making and behavior. In this case, our fear of losing the innocent child had prevented us from directly addressing the suspect ' s true intentions.
Fear of loss wasn ' t the only factor. In this situation, time was also a major factor. The first few hours of the negotiation were volatile- fits of angry tirades, threats, and rebuttals – making effective communication difficult. The reality of the situation demanded that we invest time in building rapport with the suspect- listening, Labeling™, and asking Calibrated Questions™. The real challenge came when the hostage taker ' s tone became more … intentional. He demanded to speak with his exwife. The request sounded quid pro quo, transactional, hiding an unarticulated intent.
WE WERE AT AN IMPASSE.
On the phone, we told the hostage taker, " We are not going to put your ex-wife on the phone. If we do, you are going to kill the hostage and blame her."
The entire direction of the conversation changed after we articulated and addressed intent. After investing the time in building rapport, we moved the conversation into vision and implementation. The conversation focused on forecasting, using sentences that began with " Here is what this can be …", and " This is what will happen when …". Questions started with " How " and " What." The rants and tirades fell away and progress was made.
STOP BEING PRESSURED BY TIME
A common question or concern is the time required to move through a negotiation. In the hostage situation described above we weren ' t encumbered by the clock – the pressure came from
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