NEGOTIATION TACTICS on prior research or experience — and then tailor their pitch / value proposition ( i . e ., “ argument ”) without checking with the counterpart ( prospect or client ) to see if they are right .
No matter what you ’ re telling yourself about this , your win rate is lower than it should be , and you absolutely are leaving money on the table .
If you ’ re not willing to stress-test your understanding with your counterpart , what are you really saying ? What are you afraid of ?
Did you work too hard on your research to be willing to be surprised ? Are you too embarrassed by potentially being corrected ?
Many people learned a phrase when they were young that has paralyzed them for life : It ’ s better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt . This may be some of the worst advice in the history of humankind .
Whatever is holding you back , release yourself from this fear ! Please don ’ t allow it to keep you hostage .
3 . YOU FEAR NEGATIVE EMOTIONS VS . PROACTIVELY DEFUSING THEM ( THE VOLDEMORT EFFECT ).
They must not be named ! If we say them , we will speak them into life !
Actually , it ’ s exactly the opposite . Naming negative emotions defuses them more effectively than anything else .
And if they don ’ t yet exist ? Inoculation . Ridiculous , right ?
You probably do this wrong or inefficiently in one of three ways :
1 . You deny negative emotions ( e . g ., I don ’ t want to seem or I don ’ t want you to feel ).
2 . You ignore them ( e . g ., They must not be named ! and Speak about them , and they will appear ).
3 . You let people vent . Let ’ s start with No . 3 and why you do that .
It ’ s primarily a learned response to No . 1 . You tried to tell someone not to feel some negative emotion , and they blew up ! So , you at least learned to keep quiet and wait for them to run out of energy .
The problem with that is it takes a really long time . Most negative emotions have a “ self-righteousness ” feeling that goes along with them , and it tends to feed the beast of negativity .
Along those lines , you start to engage in No . 2 — you don ’ t bring them up at all and hope they don ’ t rear their ugly head . The problem there is that unexpressed negative emotions never die . They fester like an infection . Sometimes they even turn into cancer .
Because of these dynamics , it seems ridiculous to think that naming them defuses them , let alone inoculates us from them . But it does , and it ’ s really that simple .
This may be one of the most powerful aspects of The Black Swan Method and one of the key reasons our clients accelerate and make life-changing deals on a regular basis .
When will be your next Black Swan life-changing negotiation moment ?
The best negotiators in the world never stop refining their skills . When you ’ re reading to continue your learning , check out the Never Split the Difference Study Guide to get more out of your negotiations . +
Chris Voss is CEO of the Black Swan Group and author of the national bestseller " Never Split The Difference : Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It ," which was named one of the seven best books on negotiation . A 24- year veteran of the FBI , Chris retired as the lead international kidnapping negotiator . Drawing on his experience in high-stakes negotiations , his company specializes in solving business communication problems using hostage negotiation solutions . Their negotiation methodology focuses on discovering the “ Black Swans ,” small pieces of information that have a huge effect on an outcome . Chris and his team have helped companies secure and close better deals , save money , and solve internal communication problems .
Chris has been featured in TIME , Business Insider , Entrepreneur , Inc ., Fast Company , Fortune , The Washington Post , SUCCESS Magazine , Squawk Box , CNN , ABC News and more .
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