Risk & Business Magazine Miller Insurance Magazine Winter 2018 | Page 18

THE FEEDBACK SANDWICH
1. EXPLAIN WHY YOU’RE
GIVING THE FEEDBACK
Recently, a team of psychologists
was able to make feedback 40
percent more effective by prefacing
it with just 19 words:
“I’m giving you these comments because
I have very high expectations and I
know that you can reach them.”
Rather than feeling attacked, now
you feel like the person has your back
and believes in your future. People are
remarkably open to criticism when
they believe it’s intended to help them.
As Kim Scott observes, people will
accept being challenged directly if
you show that you care personally.
2. TAKE YOURSELF OFF A PEDESTAL
NEGATIVE
FEEDBACK CAN
MAKE PEOPLE
FEEL INFERIOR. IF
YOU LEVEL THE
PLAYING FIELD,
IT’S A LOT LESS
THREATENING:
“I’ve benefited a lot from people
giving me feedback, and I’m
trying to pay that forward.”
“I’ve been studying great managers,
and I’ve noticed that they spend
a lot of time giving feedback. I’m
working on doing more of that.”
“Now that we’ve been working together
for a while, I think it would be great
if we gave each other suggestions for
how we can be more effective.”
All of these messages send a
clear signal: I’m not perfect.
I’m trying to get better too.
3. ASK IF THE PERSON
WANTS FEEDBACK
“I NOTICED A
COUPLE THINGS
AND WONDERED
IF YOU’RE
INTERESTED
IN SOME
FEEDBACK.”
I’ve opened this way many times, and no
one has ever declined. Once people take
ownership over the decision to receive
feedback, they’re less defensive about it.
4. HAVE A TRANSPARENT DIALOGUE,
NOT A MANIPULATIVE MONOLOGUE
Organizational psychologist Roger
Schwarz suggests a thought experiment.
Imagine that you’re about to give
feedback to two employees, but you
have to be transparent about what
you’re trying to accomplish:
“I have some negative feedback to
give you. I’ll start with some positive
feedback to relax you, and then give
you the negative feedback, which is
the real purpose of our meeting. I’ll
end with more positive feedback so
you won’t be so disappointed or angry
at me when you leave my office.”
It sounds ridiculous. It’s destined
to elicit the kind of rage that I
haven’t seen since Ross Geller
bellowed MY SANDWICH?! Here’s
what Schwarz recommends instead:
“The presentation you gave to the
senior leadership team this morning
may have created confusion about our
strategy. Let me tell you how I’d like to
approach this meeting and see if it works
for you. I want to start by describing
what I saw that raised my concerns
and see if you saw the same things.
After we agree on what happened, I
want to say more about my concerns
and see if you share them. Then we
can decide what, if anything, we need
to do going forward. I’m open to the
possibility that I may be missing things
or that I contributed the concerns I’m
raising. How does that work for you?”
PUTTING IT IN ACTION
When I was preparing for the meeting
with the CEO, I learned that all three
consultants had tried to compliment
him, and he saw right through it. It was
time to take the feedback sandwich
off the menu and be radically candid.
I started by explaining why I was giving
the feedback. “Your senior team all
believes you’re the right guy to save this
company, and I do too. I hope I’ve seen
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